Monday, November 29, 2010

When nothing else matters.

It's like the words "she'll be okay" simply don't register.
Even when I'm repeating them to myself over and over again.
Nothing will stop the tears or the panic.
My very best friend,
the best friend I have ever had in my LIFE,
sick within inches of death in a lonely hospital.
I gave her my Valentine,
my precious teddy bear that I have hugged over and over again
in hopes that she wouldn't be too lonely.
I hope she's hugging him right now.
I brought her Buffy and a book,
I brought her love.
But I am so afraid.
What if she never comes back?
I have that stupid Hannah Montana birthday card she gave me,
I have the long and sweet birthday letter that came along with it.
We have countless pictures together.
We have each others secrets.
I would do anything for her.
I would do anything to be in that hospital bed instead of her.
I've put her picture as my phone's wallpaper,
and I've wished on every star, every 11:11 or 12:34 wish.
But while all the other problems we got
each other through were fixed by
words and comfort,
this one isn't.
I can talk to her and promise it'll be okay,
and soothe her tears
and hide mine the best I can,
but I can't talk the sickness away.
and I am so scared.
I love you Stevie.
I will not lose you.

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