Sunday, November 18, 2012

"Don't ask, don't tell" tell-all.

It was bound to happen, really. Like, it was a night three weeks in the making, practically.

It's funny how when some inhibitions let go, some voices of reason come back. Voices of reason that say, "What does it matter if you drive by his street at one in the morning? Is he going to see you? No. So why would you?" And so you don't, despite a million and one times where that didn't matter. Voices of reason that say, "So let him be. Let yourself be."

And of course, letting go of the inhibitions is part of the rules. You give some, you take some, and some just had to go. That's just how you play. And in this game, this boy always wins. It could practically be called his game. It's in how he treats you all night, it's in how he responds barely then completely. It's in the "goodnight" text he sends half an hour later. It isn't coincidence, you know. Sure, he might be thinking about you, but he's thinking about how he can get you to keep coming back, and that's the real reason he presses send. Mitchell has succeeded in making me cynical, people. He's accomplished almost the impossible in making a true romantic see reality.

Another voice of reason- "Why don't you name him on your blog? It's silly. He's just a person." And so I listen tonight, instead of ignoring it, like in the past million and one posts.

He succeeded. You succeeded. I succeeded, but I lost, too.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Heaven and Hell: an analysis.

I never really had words, but at least I used to think I do.

But here's the thing:
we fall without meaning to
and we love without trying to.
we hope without meaning to.
we die without trying to.
if you haven't recognized that,
you're in denial and need to soul search
(or something.)
Speaking of soul searching,
I'll meet you all again in the stars someday.
I try not to think of all the people I won't know in ten years,
because they're my world and it's like the world explodes
every time I say goodbye.
I don't let go easy.
Addy once said I taught her to let go easy,
and I'd like to intervene and say that she doesn't know me very well,
because I don't let go easy.
I grab on too fast,
I hold on too tight,
and I don't let go easy.
I'll search for you in the stars.
I'll search for those nights, those feelings.
Every feeling, every person, every moment,
they make up the stars,
and someday I'll have the time to search through them again.
I'll see you then.
love always, laura elizabeth.