Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Bones to bones.

"Regrets collect like old friends, here to relive your darkest moments."
{Florence + The Machine}


I'm not looking to be dramatic in this post, and I'm not looking to be anything I'm not, which sometimes I am, which is paradoxical and I prefer not to try to figure it out.

This post, I want to talk about something that is scientific in nature, but also just physical, and also emotional and psychological and all the other "ics" and "cals". I'm not talking about love, because that's overdone and I try not to explain things I don't even understand myself. No, I'm talking about the idea of resonance.

In Physics, we learn that resonance is the frequency at which an object is moving at the atomic level, basically. Everything in the world and out of the world has resonance. Trees have resonance. Cement has resonance. Human bone has resonance. If you make a sound at the same frequency as the resonance of a certain object, it causes that object to move faster at the atomic level, which can cause fissures or, in the case of glass, shattering. This is the whole "if I sing high enough I can shatter a glass" idea. Watch this video to see a cool effect that the frequency of some wind had on the resonance in the cement of a bridge, and see how real this idea is.

So, resonance. It's scientific. It's real. The fact that something can resonate with us physically, but also emotionally. Something can strike us as so true that it causes our very being to slowly split. Something can be so real that it goes deeper than skin, that it finds its way through our bones, that it can cause us to break, it can cause us to shatter like an opera singer's glass.

This is beautiful. This is terrifying. The idea that I might someday find that something or someone that resonates so deeply with me, the idea that this something or someone could break me into pieces. Is it worth knowing something so intimate when it could destroy you completely? How do you know it really is your resonance until it begins to shatter you?

And there I was, saying I wasn't going to talk about love and things I don't understand.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Dragging Heels and Time Drags On.

It's right now that is the most timeless, even as the time continues rushing on.

Zig Ziglar - Timeline Photos | Facebook

tell me you love me and pretend like you mean it
play around with my heart and try not to drop it
let me go but only if you come too, dragging heels and all
take all that you can and say that it will be enough for now

create these lovely messes with me,
orchestrate beautiful disasters until they come crashing down
fabricate a thinly made web so strong it can hold me captive
and walk away with me still so ensnared

and we tell ourselves that it's fair to be fair to everyone but ourselves
we lend confidence to everyone without strengthening our own
we give and we give and we give and secretly we want to take
and we snap without anyone snapping back, how could we not

it's when every song on the radio is a personal solo and he's sitting right next to you,
it's when you change the "hers" to the "yous" and maybe he doesn't notice but you do,
it's when everything said is a secret message from the past and he's the only one catching him
and all you want is for him to catch them

it comes down to the whole trust thing, people,
it's trusting someone to do no harm though you know everything will eventually cause harm
and it's trusting that with every harm caused there is also joy
and it's trusting that even with the goodbyes there will be a certain happiness
it's trusting that though nothing will last, it can last in the now,
and it's trusting that the now will last you through your life,
and I've never been one for trust but for some reason I trust you

love always, laura elizabeth.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Il pleut et je pleure.

We've got a love that hasn't even begun.

Painting Skies | via Tumblr

I can't get the thought of what I could've been out of my head, and only just now did it strike me that I should try to notice who I am.

I guess you're supposed to keep a journal of everything you're grateful for, so that on ugly gray days like this Wednesday, you have something to look back on, you have something to remind you of all the things you already have, all the things you already are, you are never "just a" anything, you are never nothing to everyone,

and the important part about keeping this journal is that it reminds you of everything you have in the moments when you can't remember hardly any of them, and you're grasping at straws and you're gasping for air, you're blowing your nose and you're brushing out your hair, you're slipping into rhyme because you can't think of what else to do,

So because I can't think of anything else to do I would just like to say that I'm thankful for French, and I'm thankful for Madame and how much she cares, and I'm thankful for the fact that my current best friend was met in that class, and I'm thankful for all the feelings that another language can inspire in you and I'm beyond thankful for this poem that explains everything better than I can:

Il pleure dans mon coeur
Comme il pleut sur la ville;
Quelle est cette langueur
Qui pénètre mon coeur?

Ô bruit doux de la pluie
Par terre et sur les toits!
Pour un coeur qui s'ennuie,
Ô le chant de la pluie!

Il pleure sans raison
Dans ce coeur qui s'écoeure.
Quoi! nulle trahison?...
Ce deuil est sans raison.

C'est bien la pire peine
De ne savoir pourquoi
Sans amour et sans haine
Mon coeur a tant de peine!

And I'm so sorry if you don't know French, because when you translate it it loses its magic, but this poem keeps me going and immersing myself in the music of "Coeur de Pirate" today is the only way I made it through, and without French I don't know how different I would be but I certainly would not be the same.

That's what I mean, though- what I could've been. What I could've been had I done Dance Company and not Musical Theater. What I could've been had I tried for student council instead of Drama. And these ghosts of imagination that haunt us even now will only multiply in size and strength once we go to college, once we're in the real world, once we're trying to find our way, and we just have to remind ourselves what came out of the choices we already made, we have to remind ourselves that we don't know what's yet to come because of our choices now,

And of course it's terrifying and of course it's overwhelming but that's the way it is and I honestly wouldn't have had anything any other way.

love always, laura elizabeth.