Sunday, July 31, 2011

Regret is making the same mistakes over and over again.

Some people have better things to do, than have a boyfriend.  Like read a book.  That you've read approximately thirty times before and can foresee everything happening and you can completely get lost in.

Some people have better things to do, than impress boys.  Like say exactly what's on their minds, all the time. (Even when it gets them into trouble- ENC <3)

Some people have better things to do, than sing well.  Or talk well.  Like have a cold in the middle of Summer.

Some people have better things to do, than worry about Summer ending.  Like worrying about school starting.

Some people have better things to do, than trying to find a good Shakespeare monologue, because auditions for the team are a week into school.  Like wonder where you're going to find one that you like and understand and will do well performing.

Some people have better things to do, than re-sheet their bed.  Like make a blog post that justifies their behaviour.

and you can't help but wonder if
all your 11:11 wishes would've come true
if you weren't you

love laura

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

happiness is perspective.

It's come to my knowledge that I'm not exactly the writer I profess to be,
or the dancer I'm said to be,
or the actress I try to be,
or the singer I pretend to be,
or the flirter it'd help to be,
or the person I'd like to be.

It's true that my life isn't anything I thought it would be at this point in time.
It's true that I get far more jealous than I should.
It's true that I'm not always as nice as I seem.
It's true that I'm not always as happy as I seem, either.

I do have a roof over my head and PLENTY of food to eat.

I do have the chance to improve my writing,
to keep stretching and devoting myself,
to be in shows and improve my experience,
to take some voice lessons,
to be myself and hope it's enough,

and God knows I'm getting better every day.

I have a lot more than so many in the world, and so do you.
Don't take it for granted.

also, maybe i love you, sigh.
also also, i miss everyone...come back....

love, laura.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Regret is knowing of your mistakes.

Being taught a lesson in humility by yourself is always a refreshing, if regretful experience.

I just miss my best friends and I feel like I've done wrong by everyone I know,
I just want to feel like I did something right and
that someone is happy because of me
but  mostly
I just want to be held again...
I risked all the progress I made
and have nothing to show for it now
except my regrets

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Persistence is trying to get a return letter from someone.

So, I know this girl named Addy who has a few of her professional pictures of her family up on her blog and I remembered that she's gorgeous and so I tried to text her and tell her that but then AT&T told me that the subscriber could not be reached.  So I figured, why not say it publicly?  Also, her blog is probably the best thing ever, so go follow that link.  I hope she knows how much I look up to her, even though usually I think she forgets about my existance.

Also, Addy?  You really need to send me a letter.

Come to my show, all.

love, laura.

ps. She has 85 followers.  You know.  No big deal or anything.

Magic is the night sky.

I admit the time is rather unconventional but after inspiration fueled by reading everyone else actually posting, I decided to get off my lazy cyber bum and write the post that has eluded me for the past week...ish.

I saw a shooting star tonight while craning my head back, observing the stars as I always do while blindly making my way towards my house.  I wished.  I told a few special people.  I remembered the last time I saw shooting stars.

There's a month and two days left of summer.

I realize that just about all I've wanted is a Summer romance. [that lasts beyond summer.]  All I've wished for.  Is that petty?  Maybe.  Did that stop me? ....

All I've done is daydream and long to be held.

But I realize that it won't always work out, that you have to wait for the right guy to come along instead of settling for someone else just because you want the feelings again.

So, unless a month and two days is enough time for a boy to fall madly for me, one of the lines on my bucket list will go unchecked:

"Be kissed by someone special."

And I'm slowly making myself okay with that.

love starfish.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Today is Paul.

Because one day, inevitably, you'll realize that there's nothing left to say or do and your best friend has a boyfriend and even though you know it's stupid you feel like he's taking over her life which is ridiculous because you did the same thing to her the summer before and you curled your hair but no one will see it and your dad was only home for four days and you miss him terribly again and the couple guys that you love and would rely on to cheer you up or make you feel better suddenly don't seem to like talking to you or are too busy to ever make plans or text and you feel like you're breaking down more than your three year old phone or your nine year old refrigerator and you text a bunch of people that you love to talk to and only one texts back, and not for very long and you're in such an upset mood that you're writing some terrible run-on sentence that would only make sense to the person who wrote it, but you STILL don't understand any of it because nothing in your life is really making sense anymore and you just want to be held.

And then you remember you have a bike with a basket and a library in biking distance.  As long as there's books, you remember you'll never be alone.

Pretty sure someday I'll be married to a book.  They're the only ones that are always there for me, and they're the only ones that are predictable and comfortable and would never let me down or cancel our plans.  It's almost like they exist purely to be there for me.  Plus I trust them.

It's rather unfortunate that the qualities of my books are ten notches above nearly all the people I know.

And you realize your three best friends are all busy and can't talk or swing by and you wish that you had a boyfriend to come and make everything better and you know that tomorrow your nanny will ask if you're okay and you will feel stupid because it's just a passing feeling that will be gone by the time she asks and besides there's only a few people that could truly make you feel better in the moment but you know that it will never happen and it just depresses you more.

I'll see you all tomorrow.

love, laura.

ps. then you realize you haven't named your stupid pity post and decide to call it paul because of your best friend who's with her boyfriend.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Melancholy is a father who works five states away.


"pull me closer, tiny dancer
count the headlights on the highway
lay me down in sheets of linen"

that song will forever remind me of my childhood.

love, your daughter.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Friendship is missing them more than you miss taco bell, and wondering if you've ever gone a week without seeing them before...and doubting it.

I read one of my best friends' most recent blog post and my heart swelled with affection towards her.  I miss her so much that I might just blow up.  Reading her post, I couldn't believe just how lovely and innocent she still is.  Stay golden.  Please don't let some boy ruin your aura, as one came close to doing to mine.  You have a few qualities that I have since lost, and they make you who you are, as they define me through my lack.  You're beautiful and one of the best friends I could ask for.

Shonka, this one's for you.

Oh, friend, I love our inside jokes and
riding a on tandem bike and
laughing hysterically and
saving your butt and
our friendship and
everything else,
 but mostly
I just love you.

With great affection, Cholo.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Sadness is when your crush recognizes another girl as "the love of his life" and "amazing".


So, that sort of sums up my feelings tonight.

i cant believe i let myself get so hopeful :/

well... it will all be okay, in the end, maybe.