Once upon a time, there was a girl. she fell in love with a beautiful thespian, and somehow he fell in love with her too. he became her first kiss. her first love. her first boyfriend. and eventually, her first breakup. although she was the one who officially broke up with him, he was the one who officially stopped loving her and didn't even tell her. who takes the real blame for her tears?
a couple of months later, she was struggling with happiness without him. she didn't know what to do. she didn't know who to trust-if she could even trust anyone anymore. so she told herself she didn't love him anymore. she lied.
she eventually found a beautiful friendship in a beautiful boy. he became her new anchor, since she had been floating around for those horrible few months. he became her metaphorical big brother and under his wing, she felt safe again. she knew she could trust him. when she was feeling low, he'd call and hug her with his voice, and made her feel worth something again. they shared a beautiful friendship.
unfortunately, it was the same kind of friendship she and the first boy had shared, before he fell for her, kissed her, hurt her, healed her, and hurt her again. she brushed off worried feelings of how their friendship might end the same way and enjoyed having someone to talk to again.
last night, something changed. she and this beautiful boy went to a show that the first boy was in. she thought she could handle it, given she would be under the care of her big brother. she was wrong. she saw him run past her, still in character, and felt the funny feeling in her nose that warned her when she was about to cry. she drew her knees in around her and took deep, slow breaths, and stared up at the ceiling. he didn't notice [she doesn't think].
after the show, she had mostly gotten everything under control. she and her beautiful brother walked out, and she saw him beginning to walk up towards them. she turned away and started breathing quicker. her heart was noticably pounding in her chest, her pulse quickening in her ears. she knew she was about to cry and knew she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that [because she knew he was coming up to see how she'd react.] so at the moment he assaulted her "brother" with a hug from behind, she turned quickly and sped walked away to the first safe haven she thought of- the auditorium she had just exited. she walked around in the round hallway, looking at pictures of past musicals and holding her breath and doing everything not to cry, until she felt it was safe. she walked back out and saw her brother looking around. he saw her and let her walk slowly into his arms. her head on his shoulder, she again felt the tears rising, but she subdued them like she had before. they started walking slowly down the hall, looking for fellow friends to see. they found many and she felt herself being lulled into a fake happiness. until she saw his mom, looking in the crowd for his face. she did not want to be there when he was found, so she walked away again, to the outdoors, so the cold could slap her into reality again. after a few moments she went back inside, hoping to find her brother and get another safe haven hug. instead she ran into the girl that the first boy loved now, since before she broke it off. they hugged and she knew the tears were coming for sure, so they ran together to a bathroom. they sat in the big stall, on the icky ground, and she was comforted by this beautiful girl. they left the bathroom. her mom texted, saying it was time to go. this girl looked once back at the crowd, and when her brother asked who she was looking for, she replied "No one I want to see" because she didn't want to cry again. she left, got home, took a warm, warm shower and cried for a while, then was cheered up by her lovely brother. and thus the night ended.
sorry for how ridiculously long this is. it's just something I needed to get out I guess. I'd be surprised if any of you read all that. I'm sorry if you did. just a simple woe of an ordinary teenage girl, who doesn't mean much to anyone in the world anymore.
[besides her mom. but that doesn't really count.]
And so she lived...but barely.