Thursday, May 31, 2012

An Anniversary, of sorts.

Do you remember your first kiss? Have you had your first kiss? Was it everything you wanted it to be? Do you remember it fondly? Or if you haven't had one, what's your big dream? How do you imagine it?

Two years ago, today, a boy texted a girl. They liked each other, this boy and this girl.
The girl was young, younger by about a year and a half, and she was naive. Naive and innocent.
So she biked to her favorite park, it was eight o'clock at night, he was there waiting.
So they talked, they laughed, it got cold, they sat together, he put his arms around her because she was shivering.
But she wasn't shivering too badly.
The rest is history. Well, just the middle part, the part that's hard to say with words and makes me blush.
But when it got really dark, and when it was past time to go home, they said goodnight and goodbye,
then spent a few extra stolen moments.
I rode home on my bicycle, I didn't even notice riding through sprinklers and laughed when I realized I was all wet.
I had a big, goofy grin on my face the rest of the night.
This time, two years ago, I was still awake, texting that boy, still on cloud nine from my first kiss.

You know, it was sweet. He was sweet, that night, that week. I wouldn't call him sweet after that week, but that week, he was sweet, and I couldn't have asked for a better first kiss.

Two years later, I'm not as innocent. I'm not as naive. I'm a bit more experienced, I'm a better biker. I've learned a lot, but I've also forgotten a lot. I don't miss him, Blaze I mean. But I miss the young love, my first love, even if it was very bad for me and myself and it took a long time to take out the poison.
I miss... I miss.
I don't know anything. It's been two years and I still don't know anything,
how will I make it alone?

Anyway. Two years ago, I had my first kiss. It's been two long, short years. I remember that day.
Do you?

love always, laura elizabeth.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

More Poetry, I'm a Regular Poet?


a pond at night

full of magic, reflected,


but so close-

you stick a toe

in the middle of the moon,

it's cold,

you get used to it,

you stick a finger in

a couple stars,

it's cold

you get used to it,

pretty soon you're

three feet under and

unable to escape

all because

you wanted to touch

the moon

love always,
laura elizabeth.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

A Final [for English] [but me, too]

The Spots of a Leopard
How many fireflies does it take
To fill a mason jar?
I don’t have any fireflies
I don’t have any jars
But how many, hypothetically?

How many stars could you count
In only one hour?
I don’t have the eyes
I don’t have the time
But how many, hypothetically?

How many pages would it take
To fill up a life?
I don’t have the books
I don’t have the days
But how many, hypothetically?

How many hours does it take
To love and let go?
I don’t have the chances
I don’t have the patience
But how many, hypothetically?

And How much love does it take
To fill up a heart?
It stays the same size,
It’ll never stop growing,
How does it fit?
How will

In other words,

Nothing can always be easy,

and I still love you.

So that's hilarious.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Breaking: the Ups and Downs.

I was unwritten of, I was unthought of, even by myself. Who does that?

And we were more, more than the meanest ghost, more than a spirit, more than alive,
now, with Harry Potter running through my head like a song usually is,
I hope to God it was the right choice,
because oh I miss him now and I'm going through the breaking blues,
the break ups and the break downs,
I've had both in the past couple days.
I'm terrified,
I'm terrified.
I'm terrified I'm moving into a new stage that's going to get me into a lot of trouble with myself,
a stage of something I'm not but others might make me into,
but maybe it's good and maybe it's time I throw caution to the winds and not care,
I'm just terrified I'm making a mistake.
I was safe, I am not now.
But, as a favorite quote goes,
A ship is safe in the harbor, but that's not why ships were built.
I guess that's it,
I promise everything won't be about this,
I just can't get all the music out of my head,
I can't get the images out,
The glow in the dark stars so precariously put up
sitting in the trash,
the half eaten box of chocolates guiltily sitting on a headstand,
I see them every night like I see your locket in the morning and through the day,
hold on to me but also let me go.
The moments stolen that are rushing back and with a vengeance.
I was safe, now I'm not, but I wasn't built to be safe, I was built to have life,
what if life is him?
I knew it, you knew it (I thought), we all knew it was coming,
but maybe you didn't after all,
but you'll be fine,
you already have three new girls to take out,
and more coming,
and I have a new life coming up whether it's right or wrong,
we'll see how it goes.
Yes I miss you,
and yes I miss you too,
And I love the both of you and I don't intend to let either of you go,
But grips might have to be loosened,
I'm a ship built to sail and I'm going someplace new and
I'm terrified.
I'm terrified.
But I'll be okay and if I get lost, I'll find myself again someday.
Maybe this is what I need?

Thanks for everyone's support. I love you all and you mean so much to me.
love always, laura elizabeth.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The Pursuit of Happiness.

That's it, then.

I guess what I'm saying is, the wallpaper of my phone has been changed, the heart's taken off his name. I spent homework Tuesday with Justyn and her friends and got a ride home with Marley.
It was clean, naturally, I'd have expected nothing less from the two of us. It's probably my fault, but it's probably both of our faults, but actually it's no one's fault that we aren't right for each other, who knows why I insist on still wearing the locket every day?
I know it was right, it just comes and goes, like "Oh I'll be fine, I'm great, I have people and happiness" then "Oh did I just make a huge mistake" to my heart still jumping in my throat when his name pops up anywhere. But it's only been a day, after all, that's to be expected, even when I most brought it on, even though it's probably my fault.
"So, what's up?"
"Oh, just the unusual."
I guess what I'm really saying is, even the cleanest break up can hurt like hell.
but, it's fine.
--laura elizabeth.