Wake Me Up When September Ends.

And boy, am I waking up to a crazy week.

 

 

Life comes at you fast

sometimes, you just need to blink

and let the world change

 

Summer turns to fall

like sunlight will turn to clouds

the rain that will drop

 

And now he's leaving

no one said it'd be easy

I will miss him so

....

 

Lize, this is for you

because I think you're lovely

thank you for reading

 

Mattie, Melissa,

Kelsey, Taft, Teddy, Gretel

And of course, Clark, thanks.

 

Life comes at you fast

but I think we can keep up.

Love always, Laura.

Junioritis and First-Couple-Months-Of-Schoolitis.

My name is Laura, and I am struggling with Junioritis

[hi, Laura.]

It started when I was in sixth grade and got En Pointe and realized I am fully in love with Ballet, and it started when I decided acting was something I should be good at in seventh grade, and it started when my mom put me in the ALL program in fifth grade so that I'll forever have high expectations of myself, and it started when I got a job.

 

 

Look, I can't be Addy, much as I'd like to. I just can't.

And for another thing, maybe I am still the same as I was in sixth grade, in a way. I mean, yeah. I look and dress a lot better and I like boys a lot more. But I'm still on the line of inside and outside for most things. I'm no one's first choice of a bed partner for Shakespeare, I'm no one's first choice for a dance. I'm no one's first choice to cover their shift at work. I'm no one's first choice to do homework with or sing with or listen to or be around. The only place I'm first is in Kelsey's book, but that's a shelf just as full as mine.

So I'm not going to be the wordy, high bunned girl with perfect eyelashes and great style and huge intelligence that hides behind a high voice. I'm not going to be the girl that has her own style and can crump like no one's business. I'm not going to be the hair with the huge hair and even bigger heart, or the girl he took to Homecoming, or the girl with beautiful eyes and beautiful hair and has a chance with Teddy like I never did. I can't be any of you and I can't want to anymore, because that more than anything is what's burning me out this year. I need to stop killing myself over these feelings of not fitting in anymore and just find a way like I did last year, because I did and it was beautiful.

And you know what? Maybe I will ask him to a dance. Maybe I'll ask both of them to a dance and maybe they'll have fun and be glad I did.

love always, laura elizabeth.



Fairytales and Best Friends.

Sometimes, the memories overwhelm her,

they make her laugh or smile,

those pass.

Sometimes, the memories overwhelm her,

they make her curl up and weep and curse at the wind,

but those pass, too.

And today, it's like a text that went unanswered that you wonder about all day,

or a comment you saw that you meant to reply to but never did,

or waving and dancing and not caring about anyone but the girl beside you.

Can't I believe in love at first sight for just one more childhood dream of life?

All the rationalizations, all the justifications for the opposite arguement,

they're true and unstoppable and make sense,

but for one oblivious, childish moment I'd like to believe in a fairytale again,

in the tooth fairy I was so convinced I saw when I was five years old,

or the jingle bells I heard in the kitchen at night when I was three.

but they too, like all else, they pass.

For life, it passes, it will always pass, just as everything else- our problems, our worries, our fears, and indeed everything about us -will pass, and only when we're no longer breathing

are we immortal.

love always, laura elizabeth.



I like to believe in love.

you say you love rain,

but you open your umbrella.

you say you love the sun,

but you find a shadow spot.

you say you love the wind,

but you close your windows.

this is why i am afraid,

you say you love me too.

--William Shakespeare.

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck with their brilliancy.

Like, "Great Escape" or "The Middle" or "Gold Forever"

or a bunch of other songs.

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck with inspiration,

and I want to just get up and dance,

like "Too Close" and "Wild One" and "Lightning".

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck down with memories,

sometimes the memories make me smile

like "Long Live" and "Forget You" and "Club Can't Handle Me"

and sometimes they make me curl up for a moment,

hoping that someday I will be able to listen to them peacefully again,

like "How To Save A Life" and "Drops of Jupiter" and two whole cds full.

So sometimes, when songs like these come on, I just have to try to forget.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Dreams of Sunshine and You.

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

But here's the thing, I dreamed a dream

I dreamed a dream of the pool

and I dreamed of red hair,

[actually, I dreamed of hair in general, as usual]

and I dreamed of skylines,

and I dreamed of zebras and funny faces,

I dreamed of a blonde mane of not just hair but of her words,

she says they're gone but they aren't

and I never had any anyway, so she shouldn't worry

but here's a good vibration anyway.

I dreamed of people,

and how to let go,

and how to hold on,

and how to do everything in the middle, too.

I dreamed of pounce-ing.

I dreamed in cards, people,

I dreamed in kings and queens and aces,

and I was the little black joker,

and you were the red 8.

I dreamed of cracks;

of sidewalks and my kindle

and the sky, too;

Mostly I dreamed of you.

Remember the beauty from last post? The beauty I have?

I don't care what you believe, for all I know you have it right.

But the beauty I have in my is my little piece of God.

And the reason I know you are beautiful is because you have a piece of Him, too,

because we are actually all God and everything is God

and really God is just the energy that connects us all to each other and everything.

[it's called Pantheism.]

So sorry for when I yell at you to stop littering,

because really,

I'm just giving back.

Addy, when you find your words [they wouldn't go far]

feel free to loan some to me.

love always, laura elizabeth.



Breaking: the Ups and Downs.

I was unwritten of, I was unthought of, even by myself. Who does that?

And we were more, more than the meanest ghost, more than a spirit, more than alive,

now, with Harry Potter running through my head like a song usually is,

I hope to God it was the right choice,

because oh I miss him now and I'm going through the breaking blues,

the break ups and the break downs,

I've had both in the past couple days.

I'm terrified,

I'm terrified.

I'm terrified I'm moving into a new stage that's going to get me into a lot of trouble with myself,

a stage of something I'm not but others might make me into,

but maybe it's good and maybe it's time I throw caution to the winds and not care,

I'm just terrified I'm making a mistake.

I was safe, I am not now.

But, as a favorite quote goes,

A ship is safe in the harbor, but that's not why ships were built.

So...

I guess that's it,

I promise everything won't be about this,

I just can't get all the music out of my head,

I can't get the images out,

The glow in the dark stars so precariously put up

sitting in the trash,

the half eaten box of chocolates guiltily sitting on a headstand,

I see them every night like I see your locket in the morning and through the day,

hold on to me but also let me go.

The moments stolen that are rushing back and with a vengeance.

I was safe, now I'm not, but I wasn't built to be safe, I was built to have life,

what if life is him?

I knew it, you knew it (I thought), we all knew it was coming,

but maybe you didn't after all,

but you'll be fine,

you already have three new girls to take out,

and more coming,

and I have a new life coming up whether it's right or wrong,

we'll see how it goes.

Yes I miss you,

and yes I miss you too,

And I love the both of you and I don't intend to let either of you go,

But grips might have to be loosened,

I'm a ship built to sail and I'm going someplace new and

I'm terrified.

I'm terrified.

But I'll be okay and if I get lost, I'll find myself again someday.

Maybe this is what I need?

Thanks for everyone's support. I love you all and you mean so much to me.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Life and Love: an examination.

"But why ever would you say you wouldn't talk to me even if you wanted to?"

"Because even I have to make hardships for myself sometimes."

"So you're saying it's going to be a hard week?"

"No, it's going to be good. It's going to be a very, very good week."

"Why so good?"

"Because it's when you're doing what you love that you'll remember most, and it's what you remember that'll make you happy in life."

"Mom, what's the point in life?"

"Tate, I don't think I can answer that."

"Why not?"

"The point of life is something each individual person has to find for his or herself."

I've examined life, I've examined love, I've looked at pictures and memorized lines and read a play and found new style and biked a bit, but that doesn't mean I've seen anything yet, does it? It doesn't mean I've learned anything important, does it? It doesn't mean it's ever going to be time to give up, does it?

Does it?

love always, laura elizabeth.

post script: YOLO. ...SLIHYWT.

(you only live once, so live it how you want to.)



Time block.

Time Block (n): Refers to a long absence in between blog posts, not due to lack of things to write about, but to the amount of time in a day.

...And I doubt I'll ever let myself slow my life down to get over it. Sorry, those who say they diligently check my blog.

I cause a lot of problems. Surprise.

Where to begin?  I answered Mitchell on March...31. Kelsey and I went to his house and she helped me put glow in the dark stars ("YES") on his ceiling. It looks way sweet, I gotta say.

Footloose...was incredible. The absolute most incredible thing I've ever been through. What I remember most, is every night, right before the show, we would do prayer circles. While whoever wanted to was saying the prayer, I looked at every single face in the circle. Without fail, every night, it brought me to tears. Closing night I didn't even get halfway through the circle. These people...they are the best people, basically. We don't all like each other, but when it comes down to it, we've shared something deep and more spiritual than I can explain. J is incredible. It's all incredible.

Spring Break was, in a word, the BEST. I wasn't home any of the nights until midnight (except one night, because I got moody). I got burned (it's tan now, yay!). I reconnected with one of the best people I know--shout out to Justyn! Love you girl--and now she's in my prom group--yay!! It was great to remember what an awesome person she is. I hung out with both my best friend and my boyfriend all break. Today kind of sucked, though. There's school tomorrow. I didn't do everything I said I was going to last week (or last night, for that matter). Ohhhhh wellllll. When I convince myself that Summer's right around the corner, good grades don't seem as important. (Randomly got a four oh again last term, though. I literally do not know how it happened.)

Got a prom dress. It's really, really beautiful. I'd put a picture on, but I'm scared Mitchell would see it before the big day. Did I mention it's on my birthday? I'm trying to convince my mom to pay for me and two friends (Mitchell and Kelsey, I'm sure) to go to Lagoon after school the day before, because all I asked for for my birthday were old school roller skates...She told me she's already done with my birthday, which makes me suspect she got way more than I need, as usual. Oh well. We'll see.

Unless you haven't gotten it from this post, my life is amazing. I love it, even with all the drama (mostly that I create for myself) and the homework (although--why stress about it when I know I'm not going to do it?....this might be a very bad term for me) and the missing of important things (if you can find my $50 or my kindle fire, please please please let me know... I'm really freaked out about it). My friends doubly make up for all of it. I just hope every day of Summer will be like Tuesday this past week (minus the sunburn).

Anyway. Happy school tomorrow. T-minus two weeks until birthday. T-minus six weeks until Summer.

WE CAN DO THIS.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Who? Who?

"Who?  Who?" said the owl, turning his snowy head all around in search of someone who isn't there.

Because, how could he know?

Does he know where it's all gone?  To be more specific, does he know where I've gone?

How could he know when I, myself, don't even know?

I am not who I was, nor am I who I'm meant to be, but if I continue on this path I can continue to feel free.

Not everything makes sense, not everyone makes sense.  Life won't always make sense and love will rarely make sense.  But what is sense, really?  A perception?  Does anything ever make sense?  Will friends make sense or just nonsense?  Will I make sense or just nonsense?  Because sometimes people leave you and sometimes people haunt you and sometimes people hurt you but that doesn't mean you should just give up on them, it means that you should just keep trying to make sense of it all.  Does this post make sense?  Maybe not, but it does to me.  Does my newfound infatuation with all things drama related make sense?  Maybe not, but it does to me.  Does my sensitivity about dance make sense?  Maybe not, but it does to me. 

People will talk about you with other people;  I've talked about all of you to someone, I can guarentee.  People will not have the same opinion as you, but people will also be just as tired of it all as you too.  So lay down your sword and I'll lay down my shield and we can part as likely friends and we'll swim through the seas of miscommunications together.

Does that make sense?  Maybe not.  But it does to me.

love always, laura elizabeth.

post script:  I don't really like him.  I promise.  It's just hopeless.  I just needed someone to imagine is holding me to sleep and he's just the last person to have hugged me.