Sunday, August 28, 2011

Try to keep me sad during a lightning storm. I dare you.

Let's just pretend that all the conversations and things
we've done in my head
will actually occur someday,
maybe even soon.

That was fun.

Because, let's face it, there will always people who make you blush.
There will always be people that you get excited to see.
There will always be people that you would throw yourself in front of a bullet for.
There will always be people that frustrate you.

But there's only one that could make me go out of my way, because of that one time I got lost and happened to cross your path, and risk being late to psychology just to see him.
There's only one that gives me butterflies whenever I see or even think of.
There's only one that I await anxiously for a return text all the time.
There's only one that I would [or want to, anyway] call during a lightning storm so I don't feel alone.
There's only one that I would like so insanely much.

It's you, Mitchell, and oh my gandhi I like you so much.

Love, Laura.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

"If the sun's not up yet, then why am I?"

That ^^ would be exactly what I was thinking this morning when I woke up five minutes till six, and, thinking I had a couple more hours, snuggled into my pillow only to be rudely brought to reality again by my phone buzzing.  All I could think was, "The sun isn't up.  Why should I be?!  How is this fair?! Six is WAYYYY too early!!  Is this supposed to be happening all year?!"

And then I curled my hair and put on mascara and, finally feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed, skipped out my door to the bus stop with a big group of my friends.  We were actually early to the stop, which isn't something I expect will happen again.

Then I went to class.  I went to french and I understood most of what she said, and I knew no one in the class.  I went to psychology and laughed at the teacher, and I knew no one in the class.  I went to English and sailed through a practice ACT, and knew no one in the class.  I went to lunch, found all my friends, SAW BRAEDON [and was picked up and spun and it was a rush and I think it should happen more often], ate an apple, and then went back inside.  I went to Musical Theater and sat with people I feel completely comfortable with and felt so inspired and I already love my teacher and I knew, or at least had met and sort of got to know, a lot of the people in the class [due to a drama party last Saturday].

So basically, what I learned today was that even if I'm a social pariah/outcast loser in all of my classes, the drama room will always be there as a safe haven.  I will always have J, even if I probably won't make an impression on him like so many do, and I will always have my fellow thespians.

So anyway.  I got on the bus and discovered that if you sit in your own seat and stare out the window aimlessly, no one will bother talking to you.  Which was both nice and kind of depressing.  I mean, a lot of these fellow bus riders are my friends.  But that's okay.

As soon as I got to our stop, I high-tailed it home and worked my butt off on setting up Tate's surprise party-ps, how unfair, because I have always wanted one and guess who has never had one??-and then worked the rest of me off trying to keep ten screaming little boys doing fun games and keeping them from getting hurt or making a mess or hurting each other or getting bored, and suddenly they were all leaving and I was walking out the door for Glee rehearsal.  Then I was dancing and singing and then it was over and I was coming back home and sitting on my bed, looking at the homework I got today and sighing because I promised I wouldn't get behind this year, so I do all of it [well mostly] and then I decide I ought to tell all of you how my first day went, so here goes.

Basically, if every day of this year is going to be like today, I think I'm going to wither away to nothingness.


I gotta say, so far, going back to school is just like me letting go of Blaze last September.  I am shocked and I can't believe it's gone and I'm so disoriented and I honestly don't know anything but what I've lost.

Love, Sophomore.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Glee birds fly together.

I love owls.
I love dance.
I love Harry Potter.
I love teddy bears.
I love rainbows.
I love people.
I love mascara.
I love Valentine's Day.
I love holidays.
I love books.
I love clipfolios.
I love love.
I love friends.
I love flowers.
I love light.
I love dolphins.
I love legs.
I love eyes.
I love popcorn.
I love cotton candy.
I love carnivals
and bowling
and movies
I love taco bell.
I love dream catchers
and costumes
and musicals
and purses
and necklaces
and necklaces shaped like owls.
I love  music and sunglasses.
I love chapstick
and I love pointe shoes.
I love piggy banks.
I love pokemon.
I love scripts.
I love french.
I love psych.
I love outside.
I love inside.
I love butterflies.
I love photo albums.
I love pictures.
I love photography.
I love myself.
I love bobby pins.
I love my family.
I love all of you.
I love stars.
I love the moon.
I love mars, and jupiter, when they are flying above our heads.
I love inside jokes.
I love chloe
and kelsey
and stevie
and trevor and bridger and makenzie and daenen
and megan and courtney
and even maybe jake pace
and I love janessa.
I love pillows.
I love quarters.
I love collections.
I love dresses and rompers.
I love dreaming.
I love typing.
I love birds.
I love animals.
I love owls.
I love fairytales.
I love feathers.
I love fruit.
I love paper.
I love summer.
I love spring.
I love winter.
I love fall.
I love memories.
I love telephones.
I love big words.
I love grammar.
I love hearts.
I love psychology.
I love bare feet.
I love glee.
I love surprises.
I love parties.
I love food.
I love chips and salsa.
I love lips and relationships and weddings
and crushes and boyfriends
and hugs.
I love butterfly kisses and eskimo kisses
and dinosaur kisses.
I love pretzels and goldfish [the kind you eat].
I love water.
I love roses.
I love 11:11.
I love lists.
I love living.
I love life.

Just 111 things that I love, and that was the abridged version.

Love, Laura.

ps. I really love owls.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sometimes I think I can chart my life by what I worry about in the dark of night.

Something special is bound to happen.

Something sad is bound to happen.

Something terrible is bound to happen.

Something frustrating is bound to happen.

Something amazing is bound to happen.

Everyone searches for their own private miracle.
We all search for something supernatural,
or incredible,
or unexpected and welcomed.

What most don't realize is
that God gives us a miracle every day.
It's called waking up.

It's called family,
it's called friends.
It's called food and pillows
and limbs and words
and senses and nature
and teddy bears.
It's called books and clothes
and showers and paper.

There's this book I read every now and then,
It's called "Before I Fall."
[Somehow, it's 480 pages are so much easier and quicker to read than the 149 pages of the book I'm supposed to read.]
It's poetry.
It's poetry in the way that life is poetry,
in the way that life is a miracle.

It makes me laugh and smile and cry and
want to live life to every potential
before I wake up dead.
It makes me appreciate what I have
and realize that it's more than most.
It makes me want to meet myself.

Now, anyone who is up this late reading this,
I challenge you to go to sleep
and wake up, knowing it's the most beautiful day
you've had yet.

After all, if you expect to never wake up again, every morning is a wonderful surprise.
Make the most of it.

love, Laura.

Dance is eternal heaven.

Dance is everything.

Everything is dance.

Play on words,
jumping back and forth
is dance.

My feelings are dance.
Your smile is dance.
The ocean is dance.

The world is dance,
Dance is the world.

Dance is children's laughter
and poetry.

Dance is everything;
Dance is words
and feelings
and thoughts
and people.

Dance is it all;
Dance is physical
and mental
and emotional.

Dance is the comforting hand
of your mother
when she heard you cry in the night.
Dance is the tears that flow in silence.

Dance is the eyes
connecting carefully
and the lips
brushing softly.

Dance is the paint on the walls
and the grass under your feet
and the sky above your head
and the air that you breathe.

Dance is the sun
and the moon, and the stars
and the dreamcatcher
above your pillow.

Dance is the books you read
and the kites flying high
and the faces of your friends
and the shoes that you tie.

Dance is summer
and winter
and spring
and fall.

Dance is the other side of your pillow
and the last petal of a sunflower.
Dance is the eyelash
on your cheek.

Dancers laugh
dancers sigh
dancers smile
dancers cry.

We are all dancers.

Dance is life,
and life is dance.
danser est vivre,
et vivre est danser.

Love, Laura.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

let's run away to neverland, we will leave all our fans, 'cause growing hurts.

So after what seems like forever of taking notes on a dumb handbook and reading a book that continually causes me to feel depressed, but forcing myself to read it anyway so it'll be done before it has to be, my head is spinning with the lyrics that my best friend plucked from the stars and my eyes are brimming with what can only be loneliness, regret, or the feeling that I am not enough.  After writing a long post filled with self-pity and sadness, however, I feel drained and silly.  Who am I to complain when I have a roof over my head and food to eat?  So I deleted all the words I wrote and decided to write some different ones instead.

School starts in a week.  I'm less than excited.


Unfortunately, something I can't ignore is that there are still so many things left on my Summer bucket list.  A couple of them are things I can't do myself.  Why I put things on there that are completely up to others was stupid and I have no idea why I did it but I did and now I have to face the disappointment.  I hate not finishing things.

But tomorrow I will put on a brave face and go and sing for an hour.  I will go and finally do something I have been putting off since my birthday.  I will waste as much time that is left, and then I will go and be my best friend's biggest fan.

Love, Laura.

Friday, August 12, 2011

If you were water, I'd die of thirst.

I'm home.

And now it doesn't much feel like I left.

And I remember that night that I cried in that room, that happened both two nights ago and a year ago,
though both remarkably about very similar ordeals,

And how I reached out and I read my book and I listened to my music and
none of it was working

and then I wrote a page of poetry and that was that.

Love, Laura.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

For well you know it's a fool who plays it cool.

Trying to find the right words to say is like trying to find something that's really hard to do.  And then you don't even make sense.  Here goes.

In my head, if you had been there, I wouldn't have broken down and cried and told the whole sob story and I wouldn't have told everyone but Chloe to leave me alone and don't look at me because you would have hugged me.  Also, in my head, you've heard all the cute songs I love and you know just how to treat me.  In my head, tonight you would have kissed me.

In my head, you snuck out just now and I walked out the front door and you held me until I got positive about going to Colorado tomorrow.  In my head, you made me not dread the moment I turn out the light and think about last Summer and then sleep and wake up and have to go to Colorado and leave everyone for a week.  In my head, when I get back, we spend every day together, enjoying the last week of Summer.

In my head, you didn't go on a date last night.  You asked me on the date and we had a grand time and then I wouldn't have even cried tonight because I would have had you.

In reality, we talk a lot about hanging out, but it never happens.

In reality, you had a lifeguarding party.

In reality, you don't read my blog or listen to my music [unless I tell you to].

In reality, I told you basically what happened and now you're asking me if I miss him or the feeling and I'm feeling so stupid to tell you the feeling because what if he finds out it's because I want the feeling with him?

In reality, I don't actually make much sense.

In reality, I am being totally negative about going to Colorado tomorrow.  I need to just face that I am going and I need to make myself believe I'll have a good time because I will.

In reality, I need to re-sheet my bed.
[in reality, I always blog when I need to do the above.]

Also, I feel like I need to say something about me being so lucky to live where I do, because it gives me such amazing friends.  Some have friends that are snooty and rude and aren't true friends and it reminds me that I have the best friends in the world.  Please don't forget me this week.

I think you should have kissed me .... Actually, I think you should have came tonight and then kissed me.

love laura.

p.s. i love owls and maybe you too.