Tuesday, February 28, 2012

So it's been two weeks. My bad.

Maybe the apocalypse has already happened,
and we're all already zombies.

Fight the norm.

What's funny about life is that the more that happens, the less time you have to write about it.
These past two weeks have been full to the brim, and incredible, and difficult, and incredible.
I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Once I upload more of my pictures from my camera onto my computer, I'll do a post of pictures. They aren't my usual well-taken with a photographer's eye pictures, but they're pictures that help depict what's been happening. So cool.

I'm sick. This is my second day home from school. I'm sick.

I've realized, that he loves me, he loves me the way he loves, not the way I was taught is love, and that almost makes it more real. He loves me. He loves me, he cares for me, I love him, I care for him so much.

We aren't going to sadies together, but actually I'm okay with it. Mostly because I know I'll still have a fantastic time, with my best friends and some of my lone peak boys. I've already asked Kevin, who I adore. I helped Kelsey ask Ryan--I'll put those pictures up too. It's incredibly awesome. It was also my idea.

I love Footloose. I love Footloose more than anything, I love it, I love it. I love dance, I love my dance classes, I love our dances, I love our theme, I love the contemporary. Now if only I weren't missing both these past two days due to whatever my body thinks it's doing. Last night, in my delirious stage, a thought struck me, "the only thing my body is working together on is making sure I'm as uncomfortable as possible," which is pretty true, I didn't have a very great night. But today is better and tomorrow will be best. Actually, Friday will be best. Sushi date. yikes yay we'll see.

So, sorry this isn't my usual writing, this is more blunt and less poetic. But honestly, I can't really think, so I think it's already impressive that I'm able to type. I'll see the world tomorrow.

love always, laura elizabeth.

p.s. thanks for being upset when I don't post for a while, Chloe. It makes me feel very important.

Sunday, February 12, 2012


"I don't have a hard life. I am happy. I don't have a hard life. I am happy. I don't have a hard life. I am happy."
"How ironic how ironic how ironic how ironic how ironic."
"Don't let me go. Don't let me go. Don't let me go. Don't let me go."

Because I really don't have a hard life and I really am happy and it doesn't have to be ironic.

Look, guys, it isn't really his fault, he jokes, that's who he is, and that's how I like him. I like him, I love him, how he is. But I'd love it even more if I thought he really cared.
See, that was a stupid sentence, because I know he cares, I saw that last night. I'm insecure and I'm broken but I ought to believe the little voice more often, I ought to believe my brain or my heart--I'm not yet sure which says what, but I ought to believe the more optimistic one--because even though he might not love me, I love him, and that's enough, right? But it'd be really great if I thought he cared.
Look how crazy I am, just earlier I was saying, "stop making drama for yourself, stop disbelieving, just take it as it is and stop questioning it" and now I'm just wondering why it's so hard, I just wish he cared, I wish he loved me too, even though that wasn't the wish he asked about, even though it kind of was.
I need to make my bed, I need to go to sleep, I need to wake up and have a great day tomorrow but I just can't get past tonight where I feel incredibly alone and I wish he realized that and said the right things, but see, that's my problem, I expect him to be who he isn't. So maybe if I accept myself and I accept that no guy will be that guy that I set up for myself in those lonely nights, the guy that my guy actually sometimes is, I'll accept him, even though I already have, because I love him and he doesn't love me and if that isn't love then what is?
I'm happy, I have a great life, I have a great boyfriend, I love him. We're all bound to have bad nights, right? I've just been having more than enough lately, but that means a bunch of good nights are coming my way. Tonight could be a good night if I'd let it, if I'd stop worrying, I worry too much that I'm doing things wrong but that's so silly because it's love, how can anyone do anything wrong? So I'll start believing I'm doing right and it's right and God really is on my side because Valentine's Day is a Tuesday this year, which is perfect.
So really, I'm happy, and you can disregard everything I said up there, except for the parts about being happy and God.

love always, laura elizabeth.

It's been ten days, so goodbye and hi.

It's been ten days
so goodbye and hi.
life comes fast but
it moves so slowly.

I look at everything and everyone and I can't even imagine everyone's heartbreak.
I don't understand people, but I'd like to, I don't understand me, but I'd like to.

So let's take today, let's take tomorrow, let's take forever and create no drama for each other.
Let's just stay as is forever, because I'm just a girl who loves owls and is happy.
I'm just a girl who's done with the drama, so how about I throw my worries out the window
and just enjoy what I have,
because I have you and you're extremely enjoyable.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

A penny saved is not much.

Kindly read the following proverbs that were started by a teacher and finished by a class of first graders.  Feel free to laugh out loud.

I hope you enjoyed those as much as I did... So anyway.  Here's the real start to this post.

Love that should happen, love that does happen, love that won't happen, love that used to happen.

I've started this post three times and I still can't figure out how to speak in feelings.

I'm convinced that everything thinks in feelings and remembers in feelings and words are just the clumsy communication of these feelings, because honestly.  We all feel feelings even though we don't all talk in the same language and maybe if we spoke in feelings the world would be a better place.  Maybe if we could speak in feelings you'd be able to understand what my mouth can't say very well.  Maybe if we could speak in feelings, more people would be in love and less people would hate.  Maybe we would all be a little less broken.

Because I've never almost spilled those words out only to push them back in at the last second.  Because I've never spent an entire movie thinking about how close your arm and my head are and would it be weird if I closed the distance.  Because I've never been able to talk intellectually with a guy that I made out with the week before.  Because I've never been asked to a school dance and I don't know what semi-formal is even supposed to mean.  Because I keep dreaming about you.  Because you've put me through so much and I you but we still feel these feelings. Because everytime that we have any kind of contact I am hyper-aware of it. Because even though I never would have guessed it would ever be you for me and me for you, I still think I might love you.

love always, laura elizabeth.