Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Weeping Willow's Melody.

Take this sinking boat
and point it home
we've still got time

You are every sad song
You are half an hour after rain
You are the shadows after a Summer day
You are the hummingbird trapped in a window
You are three in the morning on a school night
You are the last day of a performance
You are old pointe shoes
You are stepping on a scale
You are coming home from a vacation
You are the clouds passing

You are the harmony
to the Weeping Willow's Melody

And you are the favorite song that ends

love always, laura elizabeth.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Every Summer Has A Story.

There's gotta be somebody for me out there.

 What's funny about saying that, the Summer and the Story and everything,

is that last year,
the Summer's story was about trying to get to know him,
and this year,
it's about trying to get over him.

it's funny how much changes in a year,
and the year is about to start again,
what plot twist is coming?

Here's a secret or two about what might change.

I'm scared of not being asked to the dances (call me lame. I just don't want to feel like I'm back tracking from this past year).
I'm scared every time that I work podium that he will come in with a date.
I'm scared that Stevie will move in with Russell and forget about me.
I'm scared that Connor will go on his mission and come back and not even remember me because it feels like we only just became friends.
I'm scared that Justyn and I will become estranged again.
I'm scared that I won't ever see Kristen, or Eliza, or Amy, or any of the other seniors again.
and the list goes on.

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(Greetings from the land where all feelings fly out of your body and onto the keyboard in a jumbled mess.)

love always, laura elizabeth.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Fairytales and Best Friends.

Sometimes, the memories overwhelm her,
they make her laugh or smile,
those pass.

Sometimes, the memories overwhelm her,
they make her curl up and weep and curse at the wind,

but those pass, too.

And today, it's like a text that went unanswered that you wonder about all day,
or a comment you saw that you meant to reply to but never did,
or waving and dancing and not caring about anyone but the girl beside you.

Can't I believe in love at first sight for just one more childhood dream of life?
All the rationalizations, all the justifications for the opposite arguement,
they're true and unstoppable and make sense,
but for one oblivious, childish moment I'd like to believe in a fairytale again,
in the tooth fairy I was so convinced I saw when I was five years old,
or the jingle bells I heard in the kitchen at night when I was three.
but they too, like all else, they pass.

For life, it passes, it will always pass, just as everything else- our problems, our worries, our fears, and indeed everything about us -will pass, and only when we're no longer breathing
are we immortal.

love always, laura elizabeth.

I like to believe in love.

you say you love rain,
but you open your umbrella.
you say you love the sun,
but you find a shadow spot.
you say you love the wind,
but you close your windows.
this is why i am afraid,
you say you love me too.
--William Shakespeare.

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck with their brilliancy.
Like, "Great Escape" or "The Middle" or "Gold Forever"
or a bunch of other songs.

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck with inspiration,
and I want to just get up and dance,
like "Too Close" and "Wild One" and "Lightning".

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck down with memories,
sometimes the memories make me smile
like "Long Live" and "Forget You" and "Club Can't Handle Me"
and sometimes they make me curl up for a moment,
hoping that someday I will be able to listen to them peacefully again,
like "How To Save A Life" and "Drops of Jupiter" and two whole cds full.

So sometimes, when songs like these come on, I just have to try to forget.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

As the days go by.

Because, when you get to the root of it, starting over scares me just as much as letting go.

I'm afraid of them, because I'm not good at either.
Just like I can't let go of Connor, going on a mission,
or Eliza, going to college,
or Stevie, moving on in life,
or Kelsie, getting married,
I can't let go of a boy I've loved
(in various degrees, obviously)
for a year now.
Can't I let go,
don't I want to? Shouldn't I?
Shouldn't I be excited to start over?
Always, the terrible truth of the lack of fighting,
That inharmonious voice that whispers hopeless hopes in the night,

the words and thoughts that spin a web around my heart
holding it together but also restricting it.

Is the idea of ending up alone more terrifying
than the idea of starting over?
I'd rather not care if it always ends like this,
but better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
And the melancholic words keep rolling out, faithless as sin
while he breathes in a different story, now,
while he exists to someone, someones else,
while he thinks of everything but me.
The difference being, of course,
that Connor was always going to go on a mission
and Eliza was always going to go to college
and Stevie was always going to move on in life
and Kelsie was always going to have to leave,
He was the one I thought I could so easily hold on to
without using my hands. Of course, that didn't work,
the new question being,
"Laura, how will you ever grab elsewhere when you're holding on here so tightly?"
the answer being, of course, that I couldn't.
How do I let go, how do I start over?

"It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I would shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed."
-Billy Collins, "On Turning Ten"

But, life goes on, my grip slackens,
it will all be okay,
the days go by so fast and soon there won't be so much time to think and weep.
So take me to the carnival, sleep under the stars,
and enjoy this July in the rain.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

The one that got away.

It was bound to happen, anyway,
it's for the best, anyway.

I guess if you catch one once, you can catch one again,

and I can learn how to skip rocks with or without him,

and as long as it's "for the best"....

I will, I will find a boy
who is respectful and thoughtful and kind and sweet and cares and is intelligent,
not that he isn't any of these things,
but some he needs work on
and really we're both just too messed up for each other anyway,
aren't we all
but it's for the best
and I'm sorry for this post but I just wanted to say,

I guess if you can catch one once, you can catch one again, right?
love always,
laura elizabeth

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

God Bless America.

This land was made for you and me.

And really, God bless America.
God bless freedom and rights
and education and brotherhood
and oppurtunities.
We're like a big family-
We're messed up and we have a lot of bad things,
but we have it best together,
and I'd like to celebrate today by saying I love America.

I love America.

love always, laura elizabeth.

ps. Instead of endangering the land more, let's all just make our own fireworks tonight. God bless and I love you all.