Friday, October 22, 2010


We all say, I love my best friend. We all say, we'll be best friends forever. Our friendship comes so naturally and easy. She's the only one I don't have to be someone else around.
I do love my Char. And in my heart and mind, we will ALWAYS be best friends. When she's either off being an amazing and popular artist [songwriting artist], or helping the FBI or CIA with criminal profiling and I'm off on Broadway or modeling or saving animals or whatever, we will still be best friends.
However, as of late, it has not been easy to be her best friend. That sounds awful but to be a true best friend, it is NOT easy. Stevie has never had an easy life. From the death of her little sister, to breaking her ankle, to buying her own necessities and finding the wrong guys, God has given her a new challenge: severe depression. Possibly bipolarity. When we were younger, I never quite understood Stevie, and I was simply along for the ride simply to have someone to call a best friend. Perhaps it was my non-understanding, or acceptance, that brought on the big fight we had when she began going out with Justin. We didn't talk for the better part of that year. It was ridiculous and stupid. Maybe we were both trying to grow up too fast, maybe we were just two forces that collided too hard with each other. When we began talking again we remember how good it was to have each other. Our friendship bond grew stronger after that, but I still didn't understand her.
In fact, I don't think I truly understood her until I knew what she had gone through. After getting over the long-lived infatuation with my dear Zak, I had moved on to-Blaze. I knew without a doubt that it would go somewhere. I distinctly remember thinking he would be my first kiss. That first time when he broke my heart, Stevie was...was there. She slept on my floor every night and comforted me while I cried in the dead of the night. I would cry at the most random of moments and I didn't need to explain. She was just there. That showed me how to be a better friend to her.
Later that summer she told me she had cut. That she liked the pain. I understood Stevie so much more by then, but I don't hestitate to say I didn't know how to approach this. I remember when we were younger, she would always ask me to scratch her arm...telling me to dig in further. I just thought she was always itchy but I make the connection now. She has had problems with anorexia and self esteem issues, but they've mostly evaporated now, for which I'm glad. However, this doesn't stop the fact that her mom, who was so often absent in their house, would leave while Stevie's depression was acting up. Shawn would leave for the weekend and tell Stevie not to have me personally over, or cook. Alone in the house, with her thoughts and her heartbreaks and unfortunately the scissors, she would give it up. She would give in. I would wish there was a way to stop her, to help her, but there was never anything, though I tried. I would see the cuts and wince, and cry on the inside, but not say anything, fearing bringing up all the emotions.
Just a few weeks ago, a new heartbreak came to her life. Spencer. Leading her desperately on then breaking her heart, I remember distinctly the snap in her mood like a snap in a twig. She came over that morning looking beautiful as ever and happy, promising us taking pictures [as is our pastime] after she went to Milo's to hang with the wolf pack. An hour later I receive the text, "I hate myself." I rushed out of the house and run to meet her, as she walks back to her empty house. We sit on the porch swing and she sobs into my shoulder. Her mascara all rubbed off, the red in her eyes showing brightly, I looked at her and knew I have never felt half of her pain. She hits the lowest lows. I try and I try and I can never help her. But I will always try.
It is not easy being Stevie's best friend. It never will be. But one thing that I'll always know is that it will always be worth it.
Love, Pika.
I love the insane amount of pictures we take Char Char. Just by the way.. :)  The bottom one is from a REALLY long time ago. I still had braces. Not such great times. Oh well. love you billions.

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