Embers.

I guess the shoe only fits in fairy tales.

Tonight, I'm considering putting my thoughts to flame,

just to see if you'd make for the fire escape

or still relentlessly stick around.

Tonight, I'm considering not closing my eyes,

just to see how well they would adapt

to not recreating you for a night.

Tonight, I'm considering just how you managed

to parade right on in without ever auditioning,

without ever paying the admittance fee,

and without ever learning your cues,

because now I can't even remember what act preceded yours,

all I know is that act ended and packed up and left

without me even realizing it, and I still haven't, and I won't,

and I'm considering how you really make me feel,

because it's alright to pretend I'm the ringleader

and it's alright to pretend I'm a lion tamer

and it's alright to pretend I'm able to spiral out of a cannon

but how long until the pretense burns away like I wish you would

and how long until the audience realizes I have nothing under control

and how long until you're tired of performing

I only have so long left in this town,

you only have so long left in my show,

so why don't we make it memorable while we can

and then let the embers burn down

love always, laura elizabeth.

Story Time.

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."

-Albert Einstein

Imagine the exhilaration of speeding along the freeway at night, completely focused on the wind rushing through your hair.

Imagine the beauty of a drive through the autumnal canyon, drinking in every detail of the leaves and the trees and the people around you.

Imagine the crisp taste of a coke on a Friday night, partying with your friends because it's finally the weekend, acting like it's the last night you'll live.

Imagine the comfort of caramel hot chocolate, curled up next to a fireplace, reading your favorite book and relishing in your abounding free time.

Imagine the wonder of a fierce storm, water rocketing towards the earth like bullets, lightning lighting up the sky like nothing you've ever seen, the thunder right afterwards resonating in your very bones.

Imagine the nostalgia of watching the sky's tear drops slide peacefully towards the bottom of your window, tracing their tracks as they slowly make them.

Imagine the fascination of a different country, stepping foot in a place completely foreign to you and diving into the culture without inhibitions.

Imagine the relief of your own home, of your own bed, of your own pillow, of being surrounded by those you've known your entire life, those who will love you endlessly.

Imagine the bass of the best dance songs you've every heard, pumping through a room packed full with gyrating bodies, dancing along because no one's paying any attention to anyone else.

Imagine the rifts of your very favorite music, the kind that can make you cry because it's pure poetry put to a tune and all it's ever done is remind you of times lost.


Imagine putting all these things together, and giving the result a name, and tell me

Do you really expect love to make any sense?


love always, laura elizabeth.

More Poems, Less Sleep.

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

-Mae West

Right now, Addy is [hopefully] asleep in the beautiful city. 

Right now, Benjamin is probably watching a movie.

Right now, Sarah is probably reading Nico a bedtime story.

Right now, Kelsie is probably watching tv with Taylor.

Right now, someone is dying.

Right now, someone is being born.

Right now, someone is about to give up.

Right now, someone is being saved.

Right now, someone's breaking up with someone else.

Right now, someone's about to go all the way for the first time.

Right now, someone just cheated on their significant other.

Right now, someone just had their first kiss.

Right now is the most important moment of everyone's life.

Right now is the loneliest,

Right now is the happiest,

Right now is the most heart breaking,

Right now is the absolute sweetest,

Right now is the worst,

Right now is the very best,

Right now is the only moment you have.

What are you doing with it?

love always, laura elizabeth.

TGIF.

"One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody."

-Mother Theresa

But here's the true, real, completely accurate and exact thing,

is that you're taking everything you don't know about me

and making it what you do know about me,

and it's alright and it's all good and all fine right now

because it's the weekend, weekend lover,

but what happens on Monday again,

what happens at the next beginning,

what happens next middle,

what happens next end and when will it really end?


Sometimes I wonder why we keep moving forward only to end up where we started.


Sometimes I wonder why we keep moving even if we don't know if it's forward,

we keep moving even if we don't know what we're moving to

even if we don't know when we will get there

we don't know how we'll get there

who are we going for

or why


The truest thing I can say about this

is how you're taking everything you don't know about me

and pretending it's everything you do know


love always, laura elizabeth

Hopeless.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

-Robert Frost

write more, talk less.

smile more, sigh less.

think more, act less.

dance more, walk less.

sleep more, cry less.

hold on more, let go less.

let go more, hold on less.

allow more, push less.

defend more, tolerate less.

notice more, see less.

listen more, hear less.

remember more, regret less.

feel more, feel less.

love more, love less.

hope more, hope less.

live more, die less.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Cinnamon.

It only lasts if you make it last.

How mundane of you, to sit there and pretend like you're noticing everyone but me.
How mundane of you, to watch me pretend like I'm noticing everyone but you.

How mundane was it when the spearmint from your breath
breezed through my window when I passed you by
How mundane was it when my eyelashes fell off, remembering how
they used to brush the cinnamon off your cheeks

How mundane was it when neither of us tripped, neither of us hit the ground
but we keep pulling these Leaning Tower of Pisa moves on each other,
we never fell but we haven't been properly upright for some time now
How mundane was it when we pretended
but we were never pretending
yet we're still pretending

How mundane is it, that I can feel so much about so little and so little about so much
How mundane is it, that you're so utterly not mundane

love always, laura elizabeth

Night Owl.

Say what you need to say.

It's only because of how much I care about the stardust dripping from lamp posts that I've noticed how little you care about the storms dripping down my face, and it's only because of how much I loved it when you played me the piano that I noticed my piano hasn't been played since.

Have some of my words stuck to you, like yours to me? I can't shake them off. I can't peel them off. I can't scrub them off, though God knows I've tried. I'm trying. I will always try but you are the one who showed me how much energy has to be put into something that will last. I've spent so much of my energy on you, for so long. I've spent so much energy on all of you. It's only because of how little energy I get back that I've noticed how much energy I've spent on all of you. And I can't anymore. I can't give energy without receiving any, because that is why I keep burning out. That's why I saw spots this morning, and why I couldn't stop shaking, and why I almost threw up every time I opened my mouth. It's because of all the energy I don't have to expend on you anymore. I have much more important things to spill my energy into every day than you. 

Watch out, darling. Watch yourself. Your cheeks are beginning to crack from the over-concentration of salt, and the colors of your eyes are beginning to look permanently green. Your pillow is beginning to stain black where your eyelashes lay, and there is always hair stuck under your fingernails from clutching your head too tight. Your eyebrows are starting to stay creased, love, so be careful; my mirror can only hide so much. Don't become so stagnant. Don't forget to breathe. Don't let yourself become stone.

love always, laura elizabeth.

After.

Show me how you make a first impression.

 

 

 

The fact of the matter is, for every relationship there are three parts: the before, the during, and the after. By rule of thumb, the length of the during oftentimes is positively correlated with the length of the before. What I mean to say is, the amount of energy you put into a relationship before it's solidified determines the longevity of the relationship itself. An unfortunate fact, however, is that the after is the longest stage of the whole process, sometimes spanning up to years; it never really goes away, in the end. People leave their mark on you forever. You can never truly be over someone until you've established feelings with someone else, and even then there will be lingering nostalgias.

 

At any rate, I've been stuck in the "after" for quite a long time now. I know I'm close to the very end because I find myself wishing for, wanting, craving the feelings that come with the "before." I want to feel twitterpated. I want to think about a guy and have my stomach explode with butterflies. I want to be smiled at and be happy for the rest of the day. I crave the idea of someone I can stress over, with all the childish hopes and fears that comes with a crush. I'm so tired of meeting a guy, hooking up within days, and two weeks later pretending like I never even knew him. I'm so tired of wanting someone to care. I just want someone to care, is that too much to ask?

 

Basically, I want a guy to sit with me and read. I want a guy who'll present me with movie after movie, and force me to sit down and watch them with him. I want a guy who'll do homework with me, even though we won't talk the entire time because I'll get too distracted. I want a guy to take me bowling, and to Color Me Mine, and to little art galleries in Salt Lake City because that's what all the hipster couples like to do.

 

I want a guy to want to know me. I want a guy who will study me, and learn all the things that I do, and reference them at random times. I want to be surprised by how much he knows about me, because there are definitely things that I don't talk about. I want a guy to tell me that I'm actually not inferior. I want a guy who wants to make me feel beautiful. I want a guy who loves to hold me.

 

But mostly, I just want to know that I'm loved.

 

love always, laura elizabeth.



Full Moons.

We're going in circles, but dizzy's all it makes us.

The strangest thing about sleeping tonight

is how you will be too.

The strangest thing about tonight's moon

is that we will both see the same one.

The strangest thing about the smell of the rain

is that it will smell the same to the both of us.

How can we be so close, in so many ways,

how can we be so far apart in all the others.

The strangest thing about my memories of us

is how different they will be.

The strangest thing about the way I feel now

is how much you don't feel the same.

The strangest thing about my salty cheeks

is how you never saw them in the first place.

How could we have been so close, in so many ways,

to have been so far apart in all the others.

The strangest thing about you

was always how you felt about me.

The strangest thing about me

was never how I felt about you.

The strangest thing about us today

is how alike it is to how we were then

love always, laura elizabeth.

So.

"And my only regret is having regrets."

Everything is so different.

Everything is the same.

Everyone is so different.

Everyone is the same

I'm stuck. I'm stuck in limbo. I'm stuck in a reality of knowing everyone and knowing no one.

It's like I'm so close to freedom, it's like I'm so close to a fresh start that I can literally taste the Starbucks that I will drink so independently. I'm so close I already don't have the money for basic needs, such as food. I'm so close I've already alienated myself from everyone I know. In fact, I'm so close I can almost feel myself bouncing back. I can almost feel myself running right back over bridges that have long since burned away, running back to people who's backs have been turned for far too long. I'm running back and I'm running forward and I'm trying so hard to just stand still, all at the same time, and I don't know how to be independent and I don't know how not to be, I don't know how to let go but I don't know how to hold on, either.

This is limbo, folks. This is Senior Year.

It's funny to me, that limbo is called what it is. I mean, you have the limbo that I'm talking of, a sort of in between, abstract idea of a place where you're trying to get to where you're going by going as far away as possible while staying in the same exact place; but you also have the other limbo, the game that they play at cheesy Hawaiian parties where you have to lean back as far as you can to pass under a bar someone else has set. It's funny to me, because aren't they the same thing? Aren't I bending over backwards trying to reach the standard that was set by someone else? Couldn't I lose my balance at any moment? Isn't everyone waiting for that to happen?

I'm currently so stuck on the idea of moments that last infinity. I have so many, too many to count, too many to name, too many to remember, but they're still there. They're still affecting me. They still pop up in moments of "Remember When?" And maybe they aren't hilarious moments that I can tell at parties, that'll make everyone like me, but they're important memories all the same because I wasn't worrying about the past, I wasn't worrying about the future, I wasn't even worrying about the present; I was just living. Isn't that a great standard to live by? Isn't that an impossibly low bar to limbo under?

Don't worry, life is only as difficult and depressing as you make it. Don't worry, vulnerability is a losing characteristic nowadays. Don't worry, I can use anaphora in everything I do and recognize that I'm doing it.

Don't worry, because I'll be here long after I'm gone.

love always, laura elizabeth.