My biggest, most vulnerable fears.
I fear of not being remembered.
I fear of leaving nothing behind, not even an empty space.
I fear of these kind of thoughts:
Yes, it kinda hurts that I wasn't invited to go to Pizza Pie with y'all.
Yes, it kinda hurts that I was forgotten about when it came around to giving rides to the dance.
[until a ride was needed. then everyone remembered me.]
Yes, it kinda hurts that I am not in anyone's best moment.
Because I know I have friends that love me. I love my friends.
But sometimes, I feel like when push comes to shove,
i am invisible.
We all feel like this sometimes. In the hallways, I walk with my head held high. But no one really sees that.
What people see are what they think of me.
I have amazing friends. Usually I feel like I don't deserve any last one of them.
In ceramics, we're doing a project where we incorporate a deep secret of our own into our art. I don't consider myself with many deep secrets, and the ones I have I would never, ever put into art. So I think that the secret that will be woven into the clay is that I am afraid. I am almost always afraid.
How many of my followers actually read my blog because they want to?
Those are the ones that took the time to read this. Thanks, guys.
I realize who I am and I know why some don't like me. I kinda don't really like myself. But I am who I am.