Tuesday, March 22, 2011

You're different. And I'm trying to figure out why.

My biggest, most vulnerable fears.

I fear of not being remembered.
I fear of leaving nothing behind, not even an empty space.
I fear of these kind of thoughts:

Yes, it kinda hurts that I wasn't invited to go to Pizza Pie with y'all.
Yes, it kinda hurts that I was forgotten about when it came around to giving rides to the dance.
[until a ride was needed. then everyone remembered me.]
Yes, it kinda hurts that I am not in anyone's best moment.

Because I know I have friends that love me.  I love my friends.
But sometimes, I feel like when push comes to shove,

i am invisible.

We all feel like this sometimes.  In the hallways, I walk with my head held high.  But no one really sees that.
What people see are what they think of me.

I have amazing friends.  Usually I feel like I don't deserve any last one of them.

In ceramics, we're doing a project where we incorporate a deep secret of our own into our art.  I don't consider myself with many deep secrets, and the ones I have I would never, ever put into art.  So I think that the secret that will be woven into the clay is that I am afraid.  I am almost always afraid.

How many of my followers actually read my blog because they want to?
Those are the ones that took the time to read this.  Thanks, guys.

I realize who I am and I know why some don't like me.  I kinda don't really like myself.  But I am who I am.


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