My here and nows keep turning into our then and theres.

I want to be remarkable.
I think everyone is remarkable, can't I be remarkable?
What a remarkable word, remarkable.

I think I'm made of a remarkabLY LARGE
conglomeration
of things I think I should be
and things I've always wanted to be
but are they really me?
Does that mean I myself am remarkable?
Except,
who am I?

If I died tomorrow,
would I be one of those people
that you have to sit and think
and make up new reasons and hidden intentions
that the person in question didn't even know
they did?
Does being remarkably plain mean you're remarkable?
But am I remarkably plain?
If I died today, would you think,
"She was remarkable at _____."
or
"She was remarkably _______."
or would you think,
"She was a good person and I'll miss her."
Because that's the standard.
I know people would think that, I know that's what most would think.
How many would think of me as a remarkable human?
Have I even done anything remarkable in my life?

Will I do something remarkable in my life?
Will someone I don't know remember me in thirty years?

I remember in eighth grade, I met a friend of a friend.
I heard her name but forgot instantly.
Sometime later, maybe a day, maybe a week,
I saw a girl in the hallway.  I remember thinking,
"She's pretty.  I wonder why she put that weird streak in her hair? I sort of like it... I wish I knew someone like that."
and then, as she passed, she smiled at me and said,
"Hi Laura!"
I was blown away.
That was remarkable.

Be someone who smiles at everyone you've seen in the hallways
and say hi to them all, too
because that is a remarkable thing to do.

tonight, I wonder
how I can be surrounded by so many
remarkable people and things
and not have anything to show for it.

tonight, I think of the irony
of blogging behind my
mom's back
of blogging instead of
finishing psychology homework
of blogging due to random
whims and random thoughts
of blogging without thinking
much at all.

what to you say to falling in love?

love, starfish