Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Honestly? February 2010 was basically the worst month of my life. That's about the only reason I keep being upset at nights.

February First.
Thus beginning the long road of, "Holy heavens to betsey that happened exactly one year ago where is my life going and why did that happen and why didn't I do this and why did he do that and why couldn't this have happened instead", etc.

List of Things I Do Because Of Other Things:
[because writing lists calms me down:]

1.  I bite my finger.  My left index finger usually.  I do this when I'm deep in thought or upset.  Or when I'm reading.
2.  I stop using grammar and I stop capitolizing things through text when I'm upset.
2a. Few people know that I started using grammar and capitolizing things like "I" and such because way back when, almost exactly a year ago, I met Blaze and he always texts using grammar and such.  I only later found out that his phone does it automatically.  I've kept up the habit though.
3. When a sad song comes on in the car, I look out the window all sad pretending I'm in a movie.
4. I hug something when I cry.
4a. Most usually, that thing is my teddy bear Valentine, and most usually I'm pretending Valentine is a person to comfort me.
4b. Most usually, that person is Braedon.
5. When I get fabulous new shoes I wear them all day into the night.
6.  When I get ensemble in the school musical, I pretend that I'm totally cool with it when really I'm so so sad.  Which is ridiciulous I know.  I just love to be in the spotlight, I love to be recognized.  I love the little kids that come up and ask me to sign their programs and I love the people that ask me to take a picture with their loved.  I loved being told to go front and center where everyone's eyes will be on me.
6a. I suppose this just means I'll have to get a good part in Twelve Dancing Princesses.  However this is unlikely seeing how my recently broken foot is still healing and hurts after ballet.
6b. gug.
7.  Gug is my word for an emotion.  If you wonder what emotion, say it out loud.  That is gug.  That is what I say when I'm generally upset or sad.  I got it from psych.
8. When I am upset I say "yep" instead of "yepp".  I also say "ha" instead of "haha".  And basically stop using any smileys of any sort.
9.  I always look for a face I've never seen before in the hallways.  I don't know why.  I just thought you should know.

That's all I can think of right now.

With Much Love,


  1. Let's be the center of the spotlight! Even though we are in ensemble. We'll be fabulous. I really do believe it. Regardless of what they say. You have control of your performance! We can pull attention to ourselves. Let's rule the show!! :))

    I also do a lot of the things in this list. It made me happy to see them.

  2. HECK yeah!!! we will have the most rockin family group ever!!!