Monday, July 11, 2011

Today is Paul.

Because one day, inevitably, you'll realize that there's nothing left to say or do and your best friend has a boyfriend and even though you know it's stupid you feel like he's taking over her life which is ridiculous because you did the same thing to her the summer before and you curled your hair but no one will see it and your dad was only home for four days and you miss him terribly again and the couple guys that you love and would rely on to cheer you up or make you feel better suddenly don't seem to like talking to you or are too busy to ever make plans or text and you feel like you're breaking down more than your three year old phone or your nine year old refrigerator and you text a bunch of people that you love to talk to and only one texts back, and not for very long and you're in such an upset mood that you're writing some terrible run-on sentence that would only make sense to the person who wrote it, but you STILL don't understand any of it because nothing in your life is really making sense anymore and you just want to be held.

And then you remember you have a bike with a basket and a library in biking distance.  As long as there's books, you remember you'll never be alone.

Pretty sure someday I'll be married to a book.  They're the only ones that are always there for me, and they're the only ones that are predictable and comfortable and would never let me down or cancel our plans.  It's almost like they exist purely to be there for me.  Plus I trust them.

It's rather unfortunate that the qualities of my books are ten notches above nearly all the people I know.

And you realize your three best friends are all busy and can't talk or swing by and you wish that you had a boyfriend to come and make everything better and you know that tomorrow your nanny will ask if you're okay and you will feel stupid because it's just a passing feeling that will be gone by the time she asks and besides there's only a few people that could truly make you feel better in the moment but you know that it will never happen and it just depresses you more.

I'll see you all tomorrow.

love, laura.

ps. then you realize you haven't named your stupid pity post and decide to call it paul because of your best friend who's with her boyfriend.

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