Thursday, June 16, 2011

The absolute futility of texting someone who will inevitably stop texting back.

Unfortunately, I still try, just in case we end up having a great and lengthy conversation that actually ends.
But as always...

The shocking truth that if I don't text anyone during the day, no one is going to text me.  Tested and proven.  Should it matter?  No.  Does it?  Unfortunately... I'm rather insecure.

Right now, I can't stop thinking about how I love my friends so much and how much they mean to me.
Except with that, I can't stop thinking about how many times I've felt excluded by them, whether it be not inviting me to party at Pizza Pie or go on some ridiculous hike that I probably would've died on anyway...But still... I know that I miss out on a lot of funny things because I don't see them all every Sunday or Wednesday.  I know there are some things that a lot of my friends aren't comfortable talking about with me because I have such a different view on them then they do.
We've had some amazing times.  I've felt so loved and so happy to be with such people.  There are a few people that I feel a rush of affection for whenever I hear their names or whenever I talk to them-a tall boy I lovingly call Sunshine comes to mind-that I can always count on.
I just wish there were more of them, and that they were able to talk more than they can.

I'll stop being ungrateful and unhappy.  I promise.
White teeth, round eyes
a perfect pink half circle.
An automative going through the motions.
A soul aching to step out of it's prison
and not worry.
A heart buried away in the recesses
of the mind, the mind
functioning in monotone.
Is there any expression that goes
Doesn't desperation bleed through
the translucent veil under which
it hides?
and yet--
the syllables that someone made of words
reveal a footstep,
a handprint of a child,
of innocence,
and it is reminded that it is not all alone,
not always.

Oh, these times are hard,
They're making us crazy, don't give up
on me, baby

Sorry for being melancholy.

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