It was a long weekend without him, but it wasn't boring.
Honestly, it was a Connor weekend.
It was an Amy weekend, and a Melissa weekend, and a Ben weekend, and a Kristen Parker weekend.
It wasn't the weekend that I would have chosen first, maybe, but that doesn't mean it wasn't great.
It's good to remember that he isn't my life, all the time, always.
Friday night, before things were good, I was doubting it. Being absolutely and inexcusably ignored has never had any advantages, besides the fact that when someone pays attention to you, it feels even better. Which is exactly what happened. Someone I look up to, someone I love, someone I think is absolutely incredible and honestly I've always wanted to be an important friend of, spent almost two hours of ignoring me, of making me feel stupid, unwanted, her and her two friends, sitting and taking pictures and giggling, me, sitting unnoticed, ignored. Ignored. No one should ever feel ignored, especially not publicly, don't ignore people. But after the show, when I got to who I wanted to get to, it was all worth it, and I love this girl so much. She's tiny, colombian, beautiful, and incredible. Shout out to miss Amy, whom we are all quite obsessed with. Funny how life is, when she used to intimidate me, with her beauty and popularity, now she's turned into a saving grace of a Friday night. And then at his house, him and his charm and his awkward dancing and his comfortability, it was comfortable. These people were comfortable, and the night was comfortable, and no one even remembered I was a sophomore.
Melissa Saturday. Waffle saturday, pokemon Saturday (Connor Saturday!), Footloose Saturday, cake Saturday, dessert Saturday, tired Saturday. Tired Saturday, tired two weeks, mononucleosis. Did I mention I have mononucleosis? Well, I have mononucleosis.
It was a missing him weekend, to be honest, I miss him. I miss him more than I thought. I've realized a lot about our relationship and honestly, I don't want him any other way.
"And the fight for you is all I've ever known, so come home."
But Connor, and Amy, and Melissa, you three especially, thank you for this weekend. It was good, it was so lovely, I feel comfortable, you people are comfortable.
love always, laura elizabeth.
ps. To the person I was sitting by, if you even read this, which I really doubt because I'm starting to realize that I'm not worth your time (despite it all, despite it all), I still think you're an incredible person, and I would go to your funeral if you did die tomorrow. I'm sure you'd come to mine, too, and tell everyone what great friends we were and how great you thought I was, but I'm also sure you wouldn't remember me being next to you at that show. I'm sure you wouldn't remember ignoring me. And that makes some difference, anyway, to me.