And you lose your mind.
[inside my skull, little elves are running around saying,
"Where'd it go?? IT WAS RIGHT HERE!!"]
Not everything that smiles is nice, not everything that laughs is kind.
Not everything that hugs can be trusted. Not everything that cries should be pitied.
Not everything that happens is observed. Not everything that's observed, happens.
Do you ever get worried because it seems like your best friend is upset at you so you wrote her a note about what you found out today and you can't get over it and you almost cried while figuring out some puzzle of a chimney and you're not going to have time to sew the elastics/ribbons onto your second pointe shoe which means you're going to have to suffer yet another class with worn out shoes which will probably make your other toenail fall off, and the guy you thought you liked is just like the one before and the guy you think you like will never like you and it feels like you should have more homework even though you're grateful you don't and you just want to help everyone but you think you're starting to be annoying to all the seniors but you end up texting Davis anyway and he calls you and you don't answer so he leaves a voicemail that makes the heat rise behind your closed eyes and spill out onto your kitten, and you reflect on the strangness of how when your eyes are closed the tears are hot but when they spill out their cold, and your kitten mews and licks your face all over and it makes you feel two dollars better and you read one of your favorite blogs and you're shocked to see one of your biggest pet peeves in the title and you feel strangely let down, and you've been reading and re-reading your favorite book for the past three days because it's just so incredible and you've been sleeping with an extra blanket and snuggling extra close to what would appear to be a teddy bear but what is really the guy you like, and you never texted that one guy back and you're worried that you will see him and not know what to say or won't see him and he'll think you're avoiding him but honestly you feel like you deserve more even if you don't [even if you do] and your feet have two layers of sock on them but they're still freezing and it's someone's birthday tomorrow and you've decided you're going to text him even though it's a little stalkery that you still remember his number and his birthday, and you really just wish that tomorrow all the guys you love will give you a big bear hug, especially Chaz because his hugs make you feel like you're being enveloped in a cacoon of cotton candy and he just makes you smile in general, and also you really really wish that after building tomorrow someone will kidnap you and take you to taco bell because they think you need to be cheered up and you can't stop hoping even though you know it's simply not going to happen and for some reason you can't find one of your favorite shirts so you have to wear something else and you're tired of being frozen, you're tired of the wind, you miss summer and the warmth it brings you and you can't stop worrying about that dang pointe shoe that you know you won't have time for in the coming days...and to top it all off, you just wrote an incredibly long post about absolutely nothing that you know no one took the time to actually read through completely, and you can't exactly blame them. Also did I mention that this post happened to also be an incredibly long run-on sentence, which secretly you sometimes like?
Yeah. Me too.
love always, laura.