After.

Show me how you make a first impression.

 

 

 

The fact of the matter is, for every relationship there are three parts: the before, the during, and the after. By rule of thumb, the length of the during oftentimes is positively correlated with the length of the before. What I mean to say is, the amount of energy you put into a relationship before it's solidified determines the longevity of the relationship itself. An unfortunate fact, however, is that the after is the longest stage of the whole process, sometimes spanning up to years; it never really goes away, in the end. People leave their mark on you forever. You can never truly be over someone until you've established feelings with someone else, and even then there will be lingering nostalgias.

 

At any rate, I've been stuck in the "after" for quite a long time now. I know I'm close to the very end because I find myself wishing for, wanting, craving the feelings that come with the "before." I want to feel twitterpated. I want to think about a guy and have my stomach explode with butterflies. I want to be smiled at and be happy for the rest of the day. I crave the idea of someone I can stress over, with all the childish hopes and fears that comes with a crush. I'm so tired of meeting a guy, hooking up within days, and two weeks later pretending like I never even knew him. I'm so tired of wanting someone to care. I just want someone to care, is that too much to ask?

 

Basically, I want a guy to sit with me and read. I want a guy who'll present me with movie after movie, and force me to sit down and watch them with him. I want a guy who'll do homework with me, even though we won't talk the entire time because I'll get too distracted. I want a guy to take me bowling, and to Color Me Mine, and to little art galleries in Salt Lake City because that's what all the hipster couples like to do.

 

I want a guy to want to know me. I want a guy who will study me, and learn all the things that I do, and reference them at random times. I want to be surprised by how much he knows about me, because there are definitely things that I don't talk about. I want a guy to tell me that I'm actually not inferior. I want a guy who wants to make me feel beautiful. I want a guy who loves to hold me.

 

But mostly, I just want to know that I'm loved.

 

love always, laura elizabeth.