A sonnet for English [and now, I'm thinking in iambs]:
The Remnants of Romance
We saw, we met, we laughed, we sang along
with inhabitions keeping us in line
we got closer and we did nothing wrong
it wasn't long until I called him mine.
But through the smiles and all the gentle touch
a lover's quarrel, a heart being defied
Despite what he said, neither were enough
The honest truth: To both of us he lied.
Through tears with which our eyes would always fill,
one year has nearly come and gone again
apologize: Perhaps one day he will,
it took a long time for our hearts to mend.
Most of my naietivete is gone,
what, in his mind, could truly have gone on?
Yes, I realize it's kind of terrible. At the same time, though... With nostalgia and all, it was good to let out.
Love, StarFish.
My new decision: I will become a complete social outcast. Why? Because I can't stand stupid, vapid, manipulative girls or vulgar, oblivious, manipulative boys.
My newer decision: I will NOT become a complete social outcast. Why not? Because I could never live without my friends.
I've been talkin' with a boy named Jake lately. He's Voldemort's best friend (but it's fine). He likes to pretend he cares about nothing and he likes to never show emotion. I've been working on that. I told him about my new decision and he said he was already a social outcast. I don't believe it, not fully. I talked about my happy world where only the people I love existed and he said he could be happy in a world of just him. I don't believe that either. No one could live forever with no one else. But he is dead set on being alone. It's sad. I don't think anyone should ever be alone like that. I don't think he fully realizes what it'd be like.
I've also been working on my friendship with an amazing, beautiful girl (see tags) that, a few months ago, fell into a crowd that....how can I put this?... is one of the reasons of my new decision. But she still contributed to my newer decision. Talking with her, and seeing her last Saturday, it reminded me why we had been friends in the first place, and I miss her so much. She says she wants a break from those friends, but I don't really know how it will happen when they are never seen apart. Love, I know you read my blog, and I want you to know I'll always be there for you when you need it.
Sorry this post doesn't belong in this tab. I just wanted to show some reasoning behind my two, contradicting decisions. And I had to include a shoutout to the lovely girl in the above paragraph, because .... Just because. Thank you to ALL my friends for not being stupid, vapid, and/or manipulative.
So much love (because only people I love read my blog),
StarFish.
Post Script: This was actually Thursday, May 12. Blogger is being stupid. The post under this was today (Friday the Thirteenth).
I have, on a whole, the very best friends in the whole entire world. They are all mostly reliable in different ways. Like I have someone that I can rely on to flirt right on back to me when I feel like being cheered up, but can also be so super sweet and is always open for a hug. Then I have the other friend that I've known for about a year and I can usually rely on to talk to me and not judge me-and, bonus, he's the bestest big brother in the world (even though I can't rely on him reminding me to do my theraband every night).
**In case you haven't noticed, I'm not talking about any of my girl friends here. They are amazing and I love them all so so much and wouldn't be able to exist happily without them.**
Those two guys, they help keep me grounded. Of course, when I become such good friends with basically anyone, I always start freaking out and trying not to do anything to push them away which usually ends up pushing them away. I'm trying to calm myself down but that's the way things go. I have one special friend that I love so so much because I can always rely on him to stay the same and put up with me poking him and rubbing his head and calling him a Ute fan and all sorts of abuse, and still be my friend. He never gets mad and he's always smiling and he's just basically the best. I basically adore him. He doesn't read my blog though. But in a weird way he totally helps me out. Even if his phone is kinda faulty and I can't rely on texting him too much because basically I like just being able to joke around with him in French and Math.
Then there's the flirty guy that every girl I know has had a crush on sometime in their Junior High existence [yes, including me]. He trades his gum to me for a poem about his attractiveness, and trades a poem about my attractiveness and a piece of gum for the apple juice I won in Biology. He's mostly a good guy. He can't draw very well but I still have the hippo he drew for me on the first day of second semester. He has great hair and knows it, and always strikes a model pose without realizing when he isn't moving. In the poem I wrote about his attractiveness I described his eyes as being chocolatey. Which is true.
Then I have all the guys that I fade in and out of talking to a lot. Like lately I've been talking to this guy, who is actually Voldemort's [if you remember who Voldemort is, then brownie points to you] best friend, and sorta been giving him advice on his love life. Not like I'm very qualified to do that, but it's kinda gratifying that he and I talk a lot. Then there's Voldemort's other best friend who lives far far away, that I like very much because he's just so cool. Plus he can kick through like two boards blindfolded after spinning around. I like that he randomly called me when he went through something hard with HIS love life, and even though I wasn't really helpful, I still felt special that I was the one he talked to.
Then there's the kid next door, who I just love. I just love him so much because he reminds me of my childhood. Even though I basically never get to see him, I still smile and feel like my heart is hugging something [do you know that feeling? I get it all the time. Like when I think about guys 1, 2, 3, and now this guy] because I just love him. He's pretty much my favorite. Ever.
I love most of the guys in my life. I often say I hate boys, but that's actually untrue. Firstly, I don't hate. It isn't me. When I say hate I'm exaggerating. Secondly, I often highly dislike certain things about certain guys, but I would never judge the whole species of male on those things. Because I've seen a few instances where a guy is just about exactly what I needed. And the first few guys I almost named, they're the ones I turn to. So thanks guys.
Love StarFish.
