Before we all fall.

Most of the time you just don't know how and why the threads are looped together, and that's okay.

Do a good thing and something bad happens.

Do a bad thing and something good happens.

Do nothing and everything explodes.

[Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver.  My favorite book.]

How different we would act if we knew it were our last day.

How different everything would be and everything would seem.

Our problem isn't that we're afraid of death, it's that we're afraid of goodbye.  Who wants to say goodbye to the sights and the sounds and the feelings and most of all, the people?  The other people that we connect with because secretly, we're all the same?  And yet, we're all so different.  How could anyone say goodbye to the people that wait for you to get inside of your house at eleven thirty at night, and then let you hang out in your car for half an hour because the garage code isn't working and alex doesn't get home until midnight? [Thank you, Connor.]  How could anyone say goodbye to singing along to songs you don't know and stepping on the bright green moss around your pond?  How could we say goodbye to the sun rising in the morning or the Friday nights where you don't have to worry about what time it is?  There is so much to see if you look for it and so much to hear if you listen for it and so much to feel if you're ready for it.  What does it really matter if he'll never like you back?  At least you know you can feel for someone.  At least you know you have hope.  At least you know life moves on.  So what if he kissed more than you that week?  Does it matter now, when you don't feel for him anymore?  Give more than you get, smile more than you frown, listen a little too less than you should and do more than is neccessary.  Hold tighter before you let go, don't leave too early but don't stay too long either because there's too much to experience and too little time.  No one really lives forever, even though we all live like that.  So worry less and live more because nothing is going to matter when you're dead.

After all, the only reason we say goodbye is so that we can come back again.

love always, laura.

Sometimes, it's okay to have dessert for breakfast.

As of today, to be honest, I feel a little bit more about ripped-up toenail than I do about...

-the waste of four weeks, worrying and wondering

-the hopes of four weeks, wishing and hoping

-the lingering feelings for someone that doesn't want anything

-our conversation on Friday

-....maybe even him, now.

Because, let's be real here.  This has been a long time coming.  Since Shakespeare Festival, really.  When I got to be better friends with more people and realized that there are other good guys besides him, especially one; the one that was completely there for me and still is.  Today, there's a quote running through my head: "If you have two guys to choose, pick the second one.  If the first guy really had you, you wouldn't have fallen for someone else."
Let's be real here too.  I have been falling for a couple weeks now, for someone who is probably too good for me.  I see myself as having next to no chance with him, because why me?  The only reason I've heard lately is "why not?" and I'm not going to live that way.  We'll see.  We'll see.
In real life, if you ask anyone I'm close with, they'll tell you that I really did say these next few words:  "The more I hang out with my new drama friends, the further away I get from him."  This past fall break has been full of these new friends, with minimum contact with him.  The contrast is shocking, really.  How comfortable and how happy I am with Kristen and Davis and Connor and Suzie and [almost] Benjamin and Elizabeth and everyone else that I missed, contrasted with how stressed and uncertain I was around him.  It's time to move on.
Mitchell, you were a good chapter in my life.  You introduced me to highschool and you helped me through the initial everything.  Unfortunately, you have a lot to learn.  Now was not the time but I'm glad I was your first kiss.  I'm glad you kissed me, I'm glad I took the risks with you, I'm glad I've known you and I have no regrets.  As was the way in round one with me, you've moved on faster and I'm struggling to catch up.  It'll be fine and it'll be okay.  You're a good guy and I hope you get everything you deserve.

Also... Sorry, but all the drama kids hate you now.  My bad.

Sometimes, it's okay to eat dessert for lunch, too.
love always, laura.

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

I talked to a self-proclaimed slut last night.

And he managed to cheer me up again.  Thank you.

But really... Who calls a girl he doesn't know "babe" the first time they talk?

Love, Laura.