How to Love, the Trial.

Breaking down and coming undone

it's a rollercoaster kind of rush

I never knew I could feel that much

That's the way I love you

Exhibit A:  The number of text messages from you I've locked on my phone, because one of the sentences in them was something like, "I'm just glad I have you" or "Screw society and I miss you".  He's said a whole bunch of really nice things like, "you looked gorgeous tonight" and "who wouldn't like you?" but I didn't save any of those on my phone.

Exhibit B:  I spent every song in the dance last night trying to catch your eye and be around you.  I felt awkward looking at him. (Not because he's weird looking or anything.  And not because he can't dance either.)

Exhibit C:  I find every excuse to touch you, and I notice every time you touch me.  I get a little jittery in my stomach just thinking about it.  He touched me a lot (sounds wrong. Wasn't.) and each time I just thought, "Oh.  That's nice."

Exhibit D:  I find myself hugging him so I can pretend it's you.  I don't hug you because I'm afraid I won't let go.

Exhibit E:  It seemed way more right for me to go in your car than in his.

Exhibit F:  I keep thinking about wanting to be around you.  I got a little apprehensive every time he asked me to hang out.

Exhibit G:  He asked if I still wanted to go to Taco Bell sometime.  I said, "Yeah maybe!" and thought "Can he come?"

Exhibit H:  I have not once texted him first.  With you, I always feel like I have to fight for a conversation, but I still do it.

Exhibit I:  I find myself thinking of a hundred different possible scenarios for when I see you in the halls tomorrow.

Exhibit J:  "L" and "M" are right next to each other in the alphabet.  Also, last time I twisted off an apple stem, it landed on "M".  I feel like they both should mean something (even if they don't).

Exhibit K:  I pretend to be snuggled up to you every night.

Exhibit L:  I've written an incredible amount of posts about you, and I like re-reading the very first one. (Remember how you were a self-proclaimed slut?  Good times...)

Exhibit M:  I'm always thinking of "Remember When"s that I just want to tell you all the time, and have to physically stop myself.

Exhibit N:  I hear some of my favorite songs and wish that you'd listen to them and think of me.

Exhibit O:  I'm always dying to hear more from you.

.......and so on.

The verdict has been reached, and that's the way I love you.
love always, laura elizabeth (also known as "wingnut").

p.s. I love you.

Meow.

I want my own special cliche.

I want one of those silly, cheesy, romantic cliches where the guy notices everything about the girl and whispers about her to his friends and buys her roses when she's feeling down [or taco bell] and she doesn't even have to tell him when she's feeling down because he knows her "isms" so well that he can just tell.
Taft?
I want a guy to randomly wrap me in his arms and give me a cliche bear hug and hold me tight and maybe whisper in my ear that it's all going to be okay because he can tell I'm stressed and worn out and he knows this is just what I need because he will know me so well.
Chaz?
I want a guy to smile every time he sees me or thinks of me and to always catch my eye in that cliche romance novel kind of way, where instead of looking away we both hold our gazes and slowly he smiles or winks or whatever he thinks would make me feel the most special [and he'd know because he knows me so well.]
...Connor?!
I want to be completely oblivious of his feelings [maybe have a crush on him too] and him feel frustrated because everyone but me can see that he's heels over head for me [our head is already over our heels, so I modified it] and it not even to matter that I'm so awkward and say the randomest things and have conversations in Tabby [it's a cat language].  He'd just accept me for who I am.
Darn darn darn I don't even know anyone that would every fit these!
I just want a guy to care.  I want him to want to make me happy and to try in subtle ways.  I want my cliche John or Kent or Harry or any other cliche character that I've read about.
No one would feel this way for me.  Darn darn darn darn darn.
I think cliches can be good.
It's fine I don't get one.
love always, laura.

"already on the ground and severely cracked."

The things I don't say to you

[and, a lot of the time, the things I do say as well]

drive me crazy.


I wrote out all I wanted to say in a text
and I went to send it to him
[except not really because I'm too shy, I think]
and sent it to someone else instead.
Then I asked him if he thought I was shy.

Really though...  If I were able to go back and forth
in the time whatever-it's-called
then I would send what I want to say,
see how it works out,
decide if I approve of the outcome,
then make further decisions based on those steps.
But no...
Mankind has to be stuck in some lazy age of nondiscovery...

You know, maybe I am a little bit shy.

"I'll doze off safe and soundly
but I miss your arms around me"

love, laura.