I like to believe in love.

you say you love rain,

but you open your umbrella.

you say you love the sun,

but you find a shadow spot.

you say you love the wind,

but you close your windows.

this is why i am afraid,

you say you love me too.

--William Shakespeare.

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck with their brilliancy.

Like, "Great Escape" or "The Middle" or "Gold Forever"

or a bunch of other songs.

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck with inspiration,

and I want to just get up and dance,

like "Too Close" and "Wild One" and "Lightning".

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck down with memories,

sometimes the memories make me smile

like "Long Live" and "Forget You" and "Club Can't Handle Me"

and sometimes they make me curl up for a moment,

hoping that someday I will be able to listen to them peacefully again,

like "How To Save A Life" and "Drops of Jupiter" and two whole cds full.

So sometimes, when songs like these come on, I just have to try to forget.

love always, laura elizabeth.

As the days go by.

Because, when you get to the root of it, starting over scares me just as much as letting go.

I'm afraid of them, because I'm not good at either.

Just like I can't let go of Connor, going on a mission,

or Eliza, going to college,

or Stevie, moving on in life,

or Kelsie, getting married,

I can't let go of a boy I've loved

(in various degrees, obviously)

for a year now.

Can't I let go,

don't I want to? Shouldn't I?

Shouldn't I be excited to start over?

Always, the terrible truth of the lack of fighting,

That inharmonious voice that whispers hopeless hopes in the night,

the words and thoughts that spin a web around my heart

holding it together but also restricting it.

Is the idea of ending up alone more terrifying

than the idea of starting over?

I'd rather not care if it always ends like this,

but better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

And the melancholic words keep rolling out, faithless as sin

while he breathes in a different story, now,

while he exists to someone, someones else,

while he thinks of everything but me.

The difference being, of course,

that Connor was always going to go on a mission

and Eliza was always going to go to college

and Stevie was always going to move on in life

and Kelsie was always going to have to leave,

He was the one I thought I could so easily hold on to

without using my hands. Of course, that didn't work,

the new question being,

"Laura, how will you ever grab elsewhere when you're holding on here so tightly?"

the answer being, of course, that I couldn't.

How do I let go, how do I start over?

"It seems only yesterday I used to believe

there was nothing under my skin but light.

If you cut me I would shine.

But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,

I skin my knees. I bleed."

-Billy Collins, "On Turning Ten"

But, life goes on, my grip slackens,

it will all be okay,

the days go by so fast and soon there won't be so much time to think and weep.

So take me to the carnival, sleep under the stars,

and enjoy this July in the rain.

love always, laura elizabeth.



The one that got away.

It was bound to happen, anyway,

it's for the best, anyway.

I guess if you catch one once, you can catch one again,

and I can learn how to skip rocks with or without him,

and as long as it's "for the best"....

I will, I will find a boy

who is respectful and thoughtful and kind and sweet and cares and is intelligent,

not that he isn't any of these things,

but some he needs work on

and really we're both just too messed up for each other anyway,

aren't we all

but it's for the best

and I'm sorry for this post but I just wanted to say,

I guess if you can catch one once, you can catch one again, right?

love always,

laura elizabeth