Now that that landmark's passed...

One year ago today...

The following poem was written earlier.
Before I got cheered up, obviously.

Nostalgia.

what wasn't felt at five months

comes back twice at a year.

a soul undeserving,

a tear too often cried

due to the ability of life that

changes faster than we know.

"it's all for the best"

Yes, God gets us through,

the suffering turns to achievement,

but not everyone forgets that

God sent it to us first.

-May 31, 2011

Of course, I was able to get over it.

It's been a year.

I know I'm over it.

I didn't spend all day thinking about it.

[neither did he, I'm sure.]

[I actually doubt he knows what today is.]

[but it's fine.]

I've made new friends,

I've moved on,

Life goes on.

I'm done with him,

because he is no improvement in life.
I don't need him.

Whether I have another summer romance this year

or not,

At least I know that I am independent enough

to not.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me.

I'm sorry to everyone who has helped me.

This summer will be different.

However...

I never got a hug today.

Which made me sad.

But I'm still independent.  No worries.

Love, Laura.



Me last year is downright depressing.

Thank the heavens I have changed so much.

Sorry you all had to know me when that went down--

I am so happy to be where I am,

I am so happy to have regained friends I thought I lost,

I am so happy to have made such a great new friend,

I am so happy I have great plans tomorrow,

I am so happy that I dance,

I am so happy that I love,

I am so happy I'm alive.

So much love,
Laura.

Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving.

If my life were a book, these are what the chapter titles would be (size referring to exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, resolution) :

Chapter One:  Colorado.

Chapter Two:  Moving to the Mormon State.

Chapter Three:  Spencer, and Growing Up.


Chapter Four:  Metal to tears, and how the Sparks Flew.

Chapter Five:  Summer.

Chapter Six:  Losing Faith.

Chapter Seven:  Independence.

And that's it.  You notice that Chapters One and Two included thirteen years, but Chapters Three through Seven were a little over one?

This is the time of my life that I will always remember.  I'm not sure if that excites me or if that scares me.

People, "the person", is a strange creature indeed.

Love, StarFish.

Birthdays.

The last fourty four minutes of being fourteen.

Fourteen brought me...insanity.  Last year on my birthday, I danced with Voldemort.  We had a big thing going on then.  Later, I had my first kiss while fourteen.  My first breakup, my first heartbreak.

I've gained so many amazing friends, and lost a few as well.  I'd like to regain a couple of those.  One in particular.

I've loved so much, I've cried so much.  I've laughed, I've frowned, I've smiled and danced and fell and got on my feet again and again.

I broke my first bone.

So here's to fourteen.

And here's to fifteen!!

So, so, so much love,
Laura.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer.

I got a reminder on my phone from forever ago today.  It was about Blaze's dad's passing fifteen (?) years ago today.  I texted him, and said I was sorry.  But he got angry with me.  No joke.  "Don't you know how to leave me alone, did you think I wanted to be reminded?"  etc.  I guess that's what I get for trying to be nice.  After going back and forth, with me trying to show I am trying to be nice, I got tired of him swearing at me and getting all angry so I said, "You are just as charming as you were when I first met you."  And didn't reply after that.

I think basically, the thing I am most sorry for, is that he didn't have a strong father figure to teach him his rights and wrongs.  Like for instance, it's wrong to play two girls at the same time. 

But I know now that I never deserved that.  And if he was going to do what he did, he doesn't deserve me.  He gets mad when I try to be nice, he gets mad when I get mad.  There is no winning.  So, even though I gave up on him a long time ago, I will not text him again.  Even if it's to say I'm sorry about his dad because now I know he can twist that into something rude that I did to him.

I am done with him.

And by extension, boys.
At least for a while.

Boys, be nice to girls.

Girls, be nice to boys.  ...But don't believe EVERYTHING they say.

Love, Starfish.

A ship is safe in the harbor, but that is not why ships were built.

There is a point in time when you know you must move forward.  Until you hit that point, you will live your life half alive.  There are times when you are lost and you believe there is only one person that can help you through.  Until you realize that person is yourself, you will remain lost.

There are times when everything is relentless.  When you are never enough.

There are times when you will be sad.  When, as much as you struggle, you cannot get your head above that line.

There are times when life isn't fair.  When no matter what you do, you cannot do anything right.

But there is a point in time when you know you must move forward.  There is a point in time you can believe fully in the choice you make and you will follow it through.



"You're".  But it's fine.

 

With my everlasting Love,

StarFish.

April Showers Bring May Flowers.

I love April for it's weather and all the performances and my BIRTHDAY and how it's the second to last month of school. (I don't count June.)  New this year:  I am so different than I was last year.

I highly dislike April for all it's stress and how I can't stop getting older (even if I wanted to.  Which eventually I will I'm sure) and how it will inevitably snow and ruin the Springiness and how it means there's at least a-whole-nother month before Summer vacation.  New this year:  The memories of everything last year at this time.

I find it funny that everything about April has a positive and a negative side.

Dang.  I need some more dresses. (:

Love, StarFish.