The one that got away.

It was bound to happen, anyway,

it's for the best, anyway.

I guess if you catch one once, you can catch one again,

and I can learn how to skip rocks with or without him,

and as long as it's "for the best"....

I will, I will find a boy

who is respectful and thoughtful and kind and sweet and cares and is intelligent,

not that he isn't any of these things,

but some he needs work on

and really we're both just too messed up for each other anyway,

aren't we all

but it's for the best

and I'm sorry for this post but I just wanted to say,

I guess if you can catch one once, you can catch one again, right?

love always,

laura elizabeth



Refraining from my usual...

OKAY SO I STILL LOVE HIM.

DON'T JUDGE ME.

Breaking: the Ups and Downs.

I was unwritten of, I was unthought of, even by myself. Who does that?

And we were more, more than the meanest ghost, more than a spirit, more than alive,

now, with Harry Potter running through my head like a song usually is,

I hope to God it was the right choice,

because oh I miss him now and I'm going through the breaking blues,

the break ups and the break downs,

I've had both in the past couple days.

I'm terrified,

I'm terrified.

I'm terrified I'm moving into a new stage that's going to get me into a lot of trouble with myself,

a stage of something I'm not but others might make me into,

but maybe it's good and maybe it's time I throw caution to the winds and not care,

I'm just terrified I'm making a mistake.

I was safe, I am not now.

But, as a favorite quote goes,

A ship is safe in the harbor, but that's not why ships were built.

So...

I guess that's it,

I promise everything won't be about this,

I just can't get all the music out of my head,

I can't get the images out,

The glow in the dark stars so precariously put up

sitting in the trash,

the half eaten box of chocolates guiltily sitting on a headstand,

I see them every night like I see your locket in the morning and through the day,

hold on to me but also let me go.

The moments stolen that are rushing back and with a vengeance.

I was safe, now I'm not, but I wasn't built to be safe, I was built to have life,

what if life is him?

I knew it, you knew it (I thought), we all knew it was coming,

but maybe you didn't after all,

but you'll be fine,

you already have three new girls to take out,

and more coming,

and I have a new life coming up whether it's right or wrong,

we'll see how it goes.

Yes I miss you,

and yes I miss you too,

And I love the both of you and I don't intend to let either of you go,

But grips might have to be loosened,

I'm a ship built to sail and I'm going someplace new and

I'm terrified.

I'm terrified.

But I'll be okay and if I get lost, I'll find myself again someday.

Maybe this is what I need?

Thanks for everyone's support. I love you all and you mean so much to me.

love always, laura elizabeth.

The Pursuit of Happiness.

That's it, then.

I guess what I'm saying is, the wallpaper of my phone has been changed, the heart's taken off his name. I spent homework Tuesday with Justyn and her friends and got a ride home with Marley.

It was clean, naturally, I'd have expected nothing less from the two of us. It's probably my fault, but it's probably both of our faults, but actually it's no one's fault that we aren't right for each other, who knows why I insist on still wearing the locket every day?

I know it was right, it just comes and goes, like "Oh I'll be fine, I'm great, I have people and happiness" then "Oh did I just make a huge mistake" to my heart still jumping in my throat when his name pops up anywhere. But it's only been a day, after all, that's to be expected, even when I most brought it on, even though it's probably my fault.
"So, what's up?"
"Oh, just the unusual."

I guess what I'm really saying is, even the cleanest break up can hurt like hell.

but, it's fine.

--laura elizabeth.

Life and Love: an examination.

"But why ever would you say you wouldn't talk to me even if you wanted to?"

"Because even I have to make hardships for myself sometimes."

"So you're saying it's going to be a hard week?"

"No, it's going to be good. It's going to be a very, very good week."

"Why so good?"

"Because it's when you're doing what you love that you'll remember most, and it's what you remember that'll make you happy in life."

"Mom, what's the point in life?"

"Tate, I don't think I can answer that."

"Why not?"

"The point of life is something each individual person has to find for his or herself."

I've examined life, I've examined love, I've looked at pictures and memorized lines and read a play and found new style and biked a bit, but that doesn't mean I've seen anything yet, does it? It doesn't mean I've learned anything important, does it? It doesn't mean it's ever going to be time to give up, does it?

Does it?

love always, laura elizabeth.

post script: YOLO. ...SLIHYWT.

(you only live once, so live it how you want to.)



Time block.

Time Block (n): Refers to a long absence in between blog posts, not due to lack of things to write about, but to the amount of time in a day.

...And I doubt I'll ever let myself slow my life down to get over it. Sorry, those who say they diligently check my blog.

I cause a lot of problems. Surprise.

Where to begin?  I answered Mitchell on March...31. Kelsey and I went to his house and she helped me put glow in the dark stars ("YES") on his ceiling. It looks way sweet, I gotta say.

Footloose...was incredible. The absolute most incredible thing I've ever been through. What I remember most, is every night, right before the show, we would do prayer circles. While whoever wanted to was saying the prayer, I looked at every single face in the circle. Without fail, every night, it brought me to tears. Closing night I didn't even get halfway through the circle. These people...they are the best people, basically. We don't all like each other, but when it comes down to it, we've shared something deep and more spiritual than I can explain. J is incredible. It's all incredible.

Spring Break was, in a word, the BEST. I wasn't home any of the nights until midnight (except one night, because I got moody). I got burned (it's tan now, yay!). I reconnected with one of the best people I know--shout out to Justyn! Love you girl--and now she's in my prom group--yay!! It was great to remember what an awesome person she is. I hung out with both my best friend and my boyfriend all break. Today kind of sucked, though. There's school tomorrow. I didn't do everything I said I was going to last week (or last night, for that matter). Ohhhhh wellllll. When I convince myself that Summer's right around the corner, good grades don't seem as important. (Randomly got a four oh again last term, though. I literally do not know how it happened.)

Got a prom dress. It's really, really beautiful. I'd put a picture on, but I'm scared Mitchell would see it before the big day. Did I mention it's on my birthday? I'm trying to convince my mom to pay for me and two friends (Mitchell and Kelsey, I'm sure) to go to Lagoon after school the day before, because all I asked for for my birthday were old school roller skates...She told me she's already done with my birthday, which makes me suspect she got way more than I need, as usual. Oh well. We'll see.

Unless you haven't gotten it from this post, my life is amazing. I love it, even with all the drama (mostly that I create for myself) and the homework (although--why stress about it when I know I'm not going to do it?....this might be a very bad term for me) and the missing of important things (if you can find my $50 or my kindle fire, please please please let me know... I'm really freaked out about it). My friends doubly make up for all of it. I just hope every day of Summer will be like Tuesday this past week (minus the sunburn).

Anyway. Happy school tomorrow. T-minus two weeks until birthday. T-minus six weeks until Summer.

WE CAN DO THIS.

love always, laura elizabeth.

Surprises.

After getting home at eight o'clock tonight following a long Footloose rehearsal, I promptly ate some cold dinner as I did my Physics and Precalculus homework. I finally finished and heard my bed calling... Then someone knocked on the door. Considering it's late and mom's already set the alarm, I was almost worried it was some serial killer. I still opened the door (yes, that would be me in the horror movies). Much to my surprise I saw the following note on my front doorstep...

And I stepped further out, I saw the following word arranged by many little candles...

It goes without saying, that's the best thing ever.

What a fun way that'll be to spend my birthday!

love always, laura elizabeth.

:)

Forever Young.

Life is crazy,

but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I keep seeing quotes like, "Love burns brighter than the sun."

I disagree.

Love is like the embers of a spent fire, because that's what's left at the end of the day.

Yes, it burns hot, but slowly and completely, too.  It can burn you, but only if you're stupid about it.  What hurts us is generally the immediate flare up, when it's started but sometimes not tended to, or the immediate dousing with cold water.  Love in it's entirety doesn't hurt us, it's everything that could come with it that does, such as loneliness or rejection.  Love is the basic burning that starts in the soul and slowly makes it's way throughout the entire body, down to the toes and up to your nose.  In the bright daylight, perhaps it's hard to see, but when it comes down to when it matters, in the deepest, darkest part of the night, it burns obviously and steadily.  Love will endure.

How often I've breathed those three words silently into you.

love always, laura elizabeth.



I'd stop the world and melt with you.

To put things lightly, he got the jar down for me (the few inches he has on me being all that was needed to reach that high shelf in my soul) and even unscrewed the top I put on so forcefully.

And they were delicious, of course.  Every chocolate chip "remember when" and all the same whirlwind feelings of September 24 baked into the dough.
did you feel the breath when I mouthed those three words into your neck?
Sorry for the absence, those who care.

"Owls and Tacos.  Life is good."

love always, laura elizabeth.

How to Love, the Trial.

Breaking down and coming undone

it's a rollercoaster kind of rush

I never knew I could feel that much

That's the way I love you

Exhibit A:  The number of text messages from you I've locked on my phone, because one of the sentences in them was something like, "I'm just glad I have you" or "Screw society and I miss you".  He's said a whole bunch of really nice things like, "you looked gorgeous tonight" and "who wouldn't like you?" but I didn't save any of those on my phone.

Exhibit B:  I spent every song in the dance last night trying to catch your eye and be around you.  I felt awkward looking at him. (Not because he's weird looking or anything.  And not because he can't dance either.)

Exhibit C:  I find every excuse to touch you, and I notice every time you touch me.  I get a little jittery in my stomach just thinking about it.  He touched me a lot (sounds wrong. Wasn't.) and each time I just thought, "Oh.  That's nice."

Exhibit D:  I find myself hugging him so I can pretend it's you.  I don't hug you because I'm afraid I won't let go.

Exhibit E:  It seemed way more right for me to go in your car than in his.

Exhibit F:  I keep thinking about wanting to be around you.  I got a little apprehensive every time he asked me to hang out.

Exhibit G:  He asked if I still wanted to go to Taco Bell sometime.  I said, "Yeah maybe!" and thought "Can he come?"

Exhibit H:  I have not once texted him first.  With you, I always feel like I have to fight for a conversation, but I still do it.

Exhibit I:  I find myself thinking of a hundred different possible scenarios for when I see you in the halls tomorrow.

Exhibit J:  "L" and "M" are right next to each other in the alphabet.  Also, last time I twisted off an apple stem, it landed on "M".  I feel like they both should mean something (even if they don't).

Exhibit K:  I pretend to be snuggled up to you every night.

Exhibit L:  I've written an incredible amount of posts about you, and I like re-reading the very first one. (Remember how you were a self-proclaimed slut?  Good times...)

Exhibit M:  I'm always thinking of "Remember When"s that I just want to tell you all the time, and have to physically stop myself.

Exhibit N:  I hear some of my favorite songs and wish that you'd listen to them and think of me.

Exhibit O:  I'm always dying to hear more from you.

.......and so on.

The verdict has been reached, and that's the way I love you.
love always, laura elizabeth (also known as "wingnut").

p.s. I love you.