Fairytales and Best Friends.

Sometimes, the memories overwhelm her,

they make her laugh or smile,

those pass.

Sometimes, the memories overwhelm her,

they make her curl up and weep and curse at the wind,

but those pass, too.

And today, it's like a text that went unanswered that you wonder about all day,

or a comment you saw that you meant to reply to but never did,

or waving and dancing and not caring about anyone but the girl beside you.

Can't I believe in love at first sight for just one more childhood dream of life?

All the rationalizations, all the justifications for the opposite arguement,

they're true and unstoppable and make sense,

but for one oblivious, childish moment I'd like to believe in a fairytale again,

in the tooth fairy I was so convinced I saw when I was five years old,

or the jingle bells I heard in the kitchen at night when I was three.

but they too, like all else, they pass.

For life, it passes, it will always pass, just as everything else- our problems, our worries, our fears, and indeed everything about us -will pass, and only when we're no longer breathing

are we immortal.

love always, laura elizabeth.



I like to believe in love.

you say you love rain,

but you open your umbrella.

you say you love the sun,

but you find a shadow spot.

you say you love the wind,

but you close your windows.

this is why i am afraid,

you say you love me too.

--William Shakespeare.

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck with their brilliancy.

Like, "Great Escape" or "The Middle" or "Gold Forever"

or a bunch of other songs.

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck with inspiration,

and I want to just get up and dance,

like "Too Close" and "Wild One" and "Lightning".

Sometimes I listen to songs and I am struck down with memories,

sometimes the memories make me smile

like "Long Live" and "Forget You" and "Club Can't Handle Me"

and sometimes they make me curl up for a moment,

hoping that someday I will be able to listen to them peacefully again,

like "How To Save A Life" and "Drops of Jupiter" and two whole cds full.

So sometimes, when songs like these come on, I just have to try to forget.

love always, laura elizabeth.

As the days go by.

Because, when you get to the root of it, starting over scares me just as much as letting go.

I'm afraid of them, because I'm not good at either.

Just like I can't let go of Connor, going on a mission,

or Eliza, going to college,

or Stevie, moving on in life,

or Kelsie, getting married,

I can't let go of a boy I've loved

(in various degrees, obviously)

for a year now.

Can't I let go,

don't I want to? Shouldn't I?

Shouldn't I be excited to start over?

Always, the terrible truth of the lack of fighting,

That inharmonious voice that whispers hopeless hopes in the night,

the words and thoughts that spin a web around my heart

holding it together but also restricting it.

Is the idea of ending up alone more terrifying

than the idea of starting over?

I'd rather not care if it always ends like this,

but better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

And the melancholic words keep rolling out, faithless as sin

while he breathes in a different story, now,

while he exists to someone, someones else,

while he thinks of everything but me.

The difference being, of course,

that Connor was always going to go on a mission

and Eliza was always going to go to college

and Stevie was always going to move on in life

and Kelsie was always going to have to leave,

He was the one I thought I could so easily hold on to

without using my hands. Of course, that didn't work,

the new question being,

"Laura, how will you ever grab elsewhere when you're holding on here so tightly?"

the answer being, of course, that I couldn't.

How do I let go, how do I start over?

"It seems only yesterday I used to believe

there was nothing under my skin but light.

If you cut me I would shine.

But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,

I skin my knees. I bleed."

-Billy Collins, "On Turning Ten"

But, life goes on, my grip slackens,

it will all be okay,

the days go by so fast and soon there won't be so much time to think and weep.

So take me to the carnival, sleep under the stars,

and enjoy this July in the rain.

love always, laura elizabeth.



The one that got away.

It was bound to happen, anyway,

it's for the best, anyway.

I guess if you catch one once, you can catch one again,

and I can learn how to skip rocks with or without him,

and as long as it's "for the best"....

I will, I will find a boy

who is respectful and thoughtful and kind and sweet and cares and is intelligent,

not that he isn't any of these things,

but some he needs work on

and really we're both just too messed up for each other anyway,

aren't we all

but it's for the best

and I'm sorry for this post but I just wanted to say,

I guess if you can catch one once, you can catch one again, right?

love always,

laura elizabeth



God Bless America.

This land was made for you and me.

And really, God bless America.

God bless freedom and rights

and education and brotherhood

and oppurtunities.

We're like a big family-

We're messed up and we have a lot of bad things,

but we have it best together,

and I'd like to celebrate today by saying I love America.

I love America.

love always, laura elizabeth.

ps. Instead of endangering the land more, let's all just make our own fireworks tonight. God bless and I love you all.



Dreams of Sunshine and You.

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

But here's the thing, I dreamed a dream

I dreamed a dream of the pool

and I dreamed of red hair,

[actually, I dreamed of hair in general, as usual]

and I dreamed of skylines,

and I dreamed of zebras and funny faces,

I dreamed of a blonde mane of not just hair but of her words,

she says they're gone but they aren't

and I never had any anyway, so she shouldn't worry

but here's a good vibration anyway.

I dreamed of people,

and how to let go,

and how to hold on,

and how to do everything in the middle, too.

I dreamed of pounce-ing.

I dreamed in cards, people,

I dreamed in kings and queens and aces,

and I was the little black joker,

and you were the red 8.

I dreamed of cracks;

of sidewalks and my kindle

and the sky, too;

Mostly I dreamed of you.

Remember the beauty from last post? The beauty I have?

I don't care what you believe, for all I know you have it right.

But the beauty I have in my is my little piece of God.

And the reason I know you are beautiful is because you have a piece of Him, too,

because we are actually all God and everything is God

and really God is just the energy that connects us all to each other and everything.

[it's called Pantheism.]

So sorry for when I yell at you to stop littering,

because really,

I'm just giving back.

Addy, when you find your words [they wouldn't go far]

feel free to loan some to me.

love always, laura elizabeth.



Beauty and You.

Beauty; an analysis.

All it really is is a cycle. That's all.

You're beautiful when you have confidence.

You have confidence when you feel beautiful.

Guess what? I think every one of you is beautiful.

More importantly, you should too. I'm serious.

Don't let yourself think you're anything but.

You don't have to not like yourself, you know. You really don't.

In this society, it's become hard to say you think you're beautiful. People think you're full of yourself or vain. I think that's just sad. They tell us we can't think we're beautiful, then they try to sell us a bunch of crap that will make us that way- but we still aren't allowed to believe it or- more importantly- admit it. I think it's just sad, I really do. You and me, let's change that.

I'm beautiful.

You are too.

And everyone can see it.

Whatever it takes to make you feel beautiful, do it. For me, it's mascara and dance. If you want to put on all the make up in the beauty store, if that makes you feel beautiful, do it. If you want to throw out all the make up you have, do it. Heck, if walking around in your birthday suit makes you feel beautiful, who is anyone to stop you? Do whatever you want to feel beautiful, except knocking anyone else.

Deal?

love always, laura elizabeth.



Refraining from my usual...

OKAY SO I STILL LOVE HIM.

DON'T JUDGE ME.

Friday Man.

It's like Christmas, you know? It's like the beautiful, warm Christmas where the gifts you receive are emotional instead of physical. And if it's Christmas, you're my Santa Claus.

Love,

you're like a Fireworks Stand

in July

you're like school shopping

in August

you're like stargazing

in September

you're like a costume shop

in October

you're like a prayer

in November

you're like a stocking

in December

you're like a kiss at midnight

in January

you're like Harts' hot chocolate

in February

you're like a Friday

in March

you're like pointe shoes

in April

you're like Memorial Day

in May

but mostly

you're like a day in June.

June holds beautiful oppurtunities, where you don't regret, where you live life.

June looks beautiful, June smells beautiful, June feels beautiful.

My love for you is June.

love always, laura elizabeth.

post script: I feel like a drive-in theater is just a big excuse to make out with someone in a car.

...

why don't they still exist??

High School and Futility.

Hope Springs Eternal.

When are, when were, when will be your glory days?

Think about it.

My glory days... They started when, in that huge room with 27 different drama departments sitting on the edge of their seats (well, okay. Seven of them were on the edge of their seats. The other twenty were probably about to fall asleep), the man with the microphone said "American Fork High School" and we all stood up and screamed and Addy cried and Lone Peak clapped for us and I was a part of it. My glory days continued closing night of Footloose, when I cried because I love them all so much and because I was a part of it.

My glory days, they aren't just filled with clapping and tears, they're filled with autumn light and winter light and summer light but mostly, spring light, because that is my favorite light of all. They continue when I'm in Ballet at the barre and I feel strong and on top of the world. My glory days, more than any other, happen every day, doing all my usual pastimes and hobbies and whatever else I do, because I'm alive and these are my glory days, because even the sad days are glory days,

and I'm not so sad anymore.

love always, laura elizabeth.